


Would you risk the broken bones just to call this place home?

by endlessnarry



Category: One Direction
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Narry - Freeform, Oblivious Niall, Pining Harry, Slow Burn, horrible attemp at writing smut, louis is the epitome of best friend, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 21:04:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 37,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4152906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessnarry/pseuds/endlessnarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is all about finding a place to call home.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would you risk the broken bones just to call this place home?

**Author's Note:**

> First of all I should thank a very special person (they already know who they are and that they have been amazing) because thanks to them I finally managed to finish this story -and to post it-. I don't know if they will read this but THANK YOU you are an absolute angel when it comes to helping people!
> 
> Now. I'm warning you here. This is probably the worst thing ever posted on this website, 30k words of nonsense, really.
> 
> English is not my first language (far from it) so I probably fucked up a lot of things evne if I re-read it like four times. And I apologize now because I know how annoying it is to find mistakes while reading something (please let me know if you find anything!)
> 
> Enjoy xx (--> you should take this as a challenge)

The first time they met Niall was 9 and Harry was 5. 

Harry's mom had to go to work for an emergency so she took Harry to their neighbor, knowing that her son and Liam got along well. In fact Harry didn't mind one bit, he was glad to have some company instead of spending the whole day sitting on the couch and watching TV since his sister had become busier and busier with her friends from school and he couldn't even go outside and play with Gummy, their black Labrador (Harry really _really_ liked gummy bears and he happened to be eating one when his parents surprised him with the puppy on his fourth birthday), since you know, English weather and all. 

So when his mum knocked on Liam's door and Karen -Liam's mum- opened it smiling brightly at Harry, the five year-old kid had already forgiven his mom when she crouched down, kissing him on the cheek with a quick 'Sorry' before running towards her car. 

“Liam! Harry's here!” Karen shouted for her son, and not even a second later Harry heard a 'Coming!' and some rustling from the stairs before finding himself face to face with Liam. 

“Hey big boy! How are you doing?” Liam ruffled his hair with a grin matching his mother's one that made Harry immediately smile back -not that it usually took a lot to get Harry to smile-. 

“Good! Mommy has work so I can stay with you.” He said holding his hands behind his back and pushing his chest out a little. Liam had always been tall for his age and even if he was the kindest person on Earth, Harry always felt like he needed to prove him that he was cool -and big- enough to spend time with. 

“Come on then, Louis, Zayn and Niall are waiting for us” Liam said running upstairs followed by an excited Harry who couldn't wait to see Zayn and Louis, Liam's friends. 

As soon as they entered Liam's room he was tackled to the ground by two small arms and blue eyes where grinning down at him: “Hiya little Harbear!” 

Harry scrunched up his nose and whined at the embarrassing nickname -another thing coming from his love for gummy bears-. Louis called him like that since the day they met (Harry was 3 and Louis was 8) and Harry always tried to protest but he secretly loved that Louis and only Louis called him like that, made him think that he had a special friend. And Louis was indeed special: loud, cheeky, hyperactive but also serious and very good at comforting people -Harry discovered this when he thought he had lost Gummy and Louis spent a whole day with him watching Disney movies and taking Harry's mind off of the presumed loss of his dog-. But in Harry's mind even Liam was special. And Zayn too. 

“Louis get off of him! I haven't seen him in a while too!” Zayn complained pushing Louis away from Harry earning an indignant 'Hey!' from the blue eyed boy. 

“Hope you're doing fine Hazza.” Zayn smiled gently at him ruffling Harry's hair getting them even messier than before. Harry smiled back blushing a bit then he looked around the room ready to feel that sense of excitement that all those superheros printed on the covers and the curtains, had always given him -Liam is a real fan of everything that comes out of Marvel- when he stopped; realizing that there was another boy in the room. Brown hair and big blue eyes and the hint of a crooked smile on his face, watching him. 

Harry blushed, hiding himself behind Zayn's body gripping the dark haired boy's jeans. 

“Oh big boy! You don't have to be shy! This is Niall and he is a new friend of ours, he is in class with me and Zayn.” Liam crouched down and took Harry's hand to take him out of his hiding spot, encouraging him to go towards Niall who had is right hand stretched forward, waiting for Harry's one to shake it. 

So Harry did exactly that. “Your name's strange, Neil.” Everybody burst out laughing at that but there was a new sound that day that captured the green eyed child's attention amongst his other friends' familiar laughter. Full, joyous, that made Harry look up at the boy he just met with both amazement and wonder. It was a welcoming sound and Harry didn't feel like this Neil was making fun of him, no. He felt somewhat proud because he seemed to have turned this boy's day a lot better than before. And when Niall looked down to gently say 'It's Niall', Harry lost himself in those big blue, welcoming, happy eyes for a moment and he thought he had to look super cool because Niall might be his fourth special friend. 

\- 

Turns out Niall will be more than a special friend to Harry. 

\- 

They became best friends five years later when Harry was 10 and Niall 14. 

Since the moment Harry began going to school he was afraid he would lose his friends, so they all agreed to meet at somebody's house every Saturday. And it was perfect in Harry's opinion. He didn't have to be afraid of losing his special friends -no matter how many friends he had at school, Louis, Niall, Liam and Zayn would always be his favorites- because he knew that whatever happened, he would have seen them on Saturday, reckoning that nothing had changed between them during the days apart. 

Liam, Louis, Harry, Zayn and Niall. That was the order. And for the first five years things went smoothly and if Harry thought about his worries he would laugh at himself for how foolish he was, thinking that something could have come between their friendship; and just when he was convinced that nothing could happen, Louis canceled their night because he had to go out partying. And Liam and Zayn and Niall too. So Harry, for the first time in five years, found himself alone on a Saturday night of November. 

Harry absolutely, always, hated cold weather with a passion -with the exception of snow, because come on, it's _snow_ we're talking about-. 

At least that's the reason he told his mother when she found him crying curled up on the floor between the bed and the wall and asked him what was wrong. She went there wanting to ask him why he hadn't gone to Louis' yet but when she found him like that she knew something must have happened between her son and his friends, and knowing the stubborn nature of her child ('I swear Desmond, you don't need a DNA test to make sure he is your son!') she placed a kiss on his head and told him that when he wanted to talk she would be there listening. 

So she left and let Gummy inside Harry's room, knowing that whenever Harry was upset he needed time with his dog. 

“Hey Gums.” He said reaching out a hand for his dog, voice trembling, barely finishing the short sentence, before another loud sob escaped his lips. Gummy made a pained noise at the sight of his owner so he started licking his hand before finally reaching Harry's face and licking a few times his cheek. Then he lied down, half on top of Harry, half on the floor, placing his head on Harry's shoulder. 

Harry smiled, a pained, nearly invisible smile but it only lasted two seconds before another fit of sobs was tearing his body apart. Harry always hated the sound he made when he cried so he would try to hold his breath as long as he could, before releasing the oxygen in a very slow way, but then he would have to blow his nose or another sob would make his way through his body and he had to start all over again to reduce the noise. 

Obviously this time was worse than ever. He always tried to not overthink things but then something happened and he would curse himself for not thinking about it earlier, then all the possible worst-case scenarios would come to his mind and he would cry even harder because what if...what if in the end it happened seriously? What if someday a Worst Case Scenario happened seriously? What would he do? Now he was alone. His friends left him to go to someone else's party and he was _alone._ And if there's something that Harry hated more than the cold was being alone. 

And his friends knew this. But it didn't stop them from leaving him alone in the cold of his room. 

Okay he was being dramatic but he couldn't help but think that if they left him now, what would stop them from leaving him the next Saturday, and the following one? What would stop them from telling Harry that now that they were _teenagers_ they wanted to hang out with cooler friends to do cool things? And what could Harry possibly do to make them stay? Nothing. He is just a ten year-old whiny boy who can't stand being alone, and they had probably been hanging out with him all this time out of pity. 

“You know what Gums?” He said through shaky, unsteady breaths. The black dog raised his head from Harry's shoulder, cocking his head to the side at the mention of his name. “You are...the only one...who has...who has always been loyal t-to me.” He thought he was calm enough to finally talk to his dog but when the puppy softly put his paw on Harry's cheek looking at him with concern, Harry's bottom lip quivered and in a matter of seconds he found his cheeks wet with new tears. “I'm s-sorry.” he said to his dog covering the paw with his own hand. 

Minutes later there was a knock on his door and then light invaded his room for a second before being swallowed by the darkness once the door was closed. “I'm f-f...I'm fine mum! Told you it's..it's j-just the c-cold!” he said through gritted teeth hating that he would stutter whenever he was sad or angry. 

“Then why aren't you under the covers?” And okay. That wasn't his mum's voice. 

Harry gasped, sitting up abruptly so that his dog's head and paw fell from his face to go rest on his stomach while Harry found himself staring at a pair of ocean blue eyes and a sad crooked smile. He was about to spring up and fly into Niall's arms, clutching to him for dear life because he was not alone anymore, but then he remembered why he was sad in the first place so his surprised face turned into a glare (later, in his life, Harry would find out that he had never been good at glaring). “What do you want?” 

“I came here to spend this Saturday night with you, like I usually do.” Niall said, calm and gentle, stepping in front of Harry and crouching down so that they were closer. 

“Don't you have a party to attend?” Harry almost spat -even if he had the urge to apologize the second he realized his tone of voice-. 

“Har-” Niall tried but another thing about Harry was that when he finally was ready to say what he thought, he wouldn't stop until he finished. And he wouldn't allow anyone to interrupt him. 

“I know you are older then me, I know you are _teenagers_ now and that I am a bother to you because I am only ten. But you can't leave me alone on a Saturday night when this is our thing okay? You can't ditch me for a party! I hate being alone and tonight you left me and I was here and what is our friendship for you?! _All_ of you ditched me to go to that thing! No one, and I mean, no one was here with me! I felt cold and alone and I felt like you didn't need me anymore, and...and...” that was when he broke down again, collapsing into Niall's arms while the older boy held him tight to his chest, running a hand through his friend's curls, while the other was secured on his friend's lower back. 

“Harry listen to me. I am here okay? I am here because I care about you. Everything seemed so boring at that party while we could have been watching a movie all together and being us. I missed you, I swear I'm not joking. And then I remembered you hated the cold and you hated being alone and we left you here and I'm sorry. I came here as soon as my mum was able to pick me up. The others were worried too but I told them that they could stay there, Louis was a bit tipsy...yes I know, don't look at me that way Harry. He will tell you everything tomorrow okay? Now let's go cuddle!” Niall finished with a smile, taking Harry's head in his hand making sure that his friend was really okay -sometimes Harry tended to hide the truth for the others' sake-. 

“Okay.” Harry said, small and tired. So Niall took off his shoes and his trousers, then he lifted up the duvet and lied down, motioning for Harry to come over. Harry jumped on the bed and positioned himself completely on top of Niall while the other boy put his arms around his waist. 

“We all love you Haz, _I_ love you. And you are one of the bestest friends I could have ever asked for, got it?” 

Harry nodded. “Just don't leave me alone. Please.” 

“I promise Harry. I promise.” he kissed Harry's curls, holding his little body a bit more tightly than before. 

Gummy jumped on the bed then, whining because he had been left out of their cuddly embrace, and as he watched Niall making room for his dog, Harry thought that at least someone cared, he was not alone. He also thought that he could live with Niall and only Niall by his side, it wouldn't be so hard -then he immediately felt bad for the others so he forced himself to erase that thought from his mind-. 

\- 

Little did he knew, that was the moment where his crush for the Irish boy began, and has been growing ever since. 

Even if, in the future, Niall will break his promise. 

\- 

They started living together when Harry was 18 and Niall 22. 

Harry needed a place to stay. He wanted a place that wasn't too expensive and that wasn't too far from his college and, most of all, he wanted to share it with someone because even after all those years he absolutely despised loneliness. 

Niall had a nice, terraced house -wealthy family-, that wasn't too expensive and it was about a twenty minutes ride from Harry's college. Niall lived alone and frankly some company couldn't do him any harm. 

So that was pretty logical that as soon as Harry told him that he was looking for a place to stay Niall offered his, and it was also pretty logical that Harry said yes before Niall could even finish his sentence. 

When Harry was 14, he suddenly found himself without his best friends because they had all gone to college, and he was afraid like he had been four years before. But then Niall suggested that they could skype at least once a week and Zayn, Liam and Louis agreed right away. Niall had sensed that Harry wasn't okay, and he remembered the promise he had made him that night when Harry had been upset because they had all gone to that party, leaving him all alone. 

And Skype calls were great. 

Harry often missed them, missed receiving a hug from one of them, missed being called Harbear, big boy, Hazza and whatever strange name Niall wanted to call him -lately it was Curls-, but he figured out that it was better than nothing at all; and sure sometimes Harry wasn't able to tell them everything he wanted to (like that time he had forgotten to tell Niall and Louis about the real amount of ink on his skin and when they saw him without shirt they nearly had a heart attack, Louis crying that his baby was growing up without him by his side, and Niall studying him curiously, with a small frown on his face, while Harry stood there in his black swim-shorts, awkwardly apologizing for forgetting, and trying not to blush too hard under Niall's stare. 

Later that night Niall went to his room asking him about some of his tattoo's meaning and when Harry showed him the empty star just above the crook of his left arm, stating that every tip represented one of them, and the little shamrock on his left end, Niall engulfed him in one of his famous hugs and whispered in his curls that he had missed him.) but in the end he was happy. 

However, he was a lot happier the moment his car came to a halt in front of a big creamy terraced house just outside the centre of London, and wow. He didn't remember it to be so big and so beautiful but it was probably the fact that now _that_ was _his_ house and _woah_ , he suddenly felt a lot more mature than he had felt this morning when he woke up, said goodbye to his mum, and loaded the last box on his car -a black Ford Focus that his father bought him two months before- before making his way here. 

He got out of his car checking for the last time his phone, where Niall's last message told him the address and that he would be home all day waiting for Harry. 164. Harry was in front of the house number 156. Okay so maybe that's why he remembered it a little smaller. When he saw that the 158 was on his left he started walking -read: jogging- that way until he reached the 164. He went to the door but before ringing the bell he had to take a breath, remembering the conversation with Louis two days before. 

* 

“ _Hey Harbear what's up?” Louis asked the moment his face appeared on Harry's computer's screen. Louis had been in America for over a year to finish his college degree and saying that Harry missed him would be an understatement._

“ _The day after tomorrow I'm going to move in with Niall.” He said, forcing those words to get out of his mouth._

_Louis looked at him quizzically.”Uhm..I know?”_

“ _Yes but- ugh! Louis you don't understand! In two days I will be living with Niall. This means that I'll see him everyday for God knows how many hours! And we both know that I've been crushing on him since forever and these last few years we were apart so my feelings for him died down but what if..what if they return in a matter of time? What if I find myself lov-liking him while he has a girlfriend? Louis. Shut up. He is straight, you've been trying to give me false hopes since I was 13. But I am okay with that-”_

“ _No you aren't Ha-”_

“ _Yes I am. Lou let me finish. And I thought that my feelings for him were just a silly crush. And I believed it until I started thinking about him the other night and suddenly I was afraid that they would all come back to me. Like. I don't want to make a fool of myself because you know how I am when I like someone and ugh. I'm not so sure anymore.” He finished looking at his best friend with the biggest pout ever._

“ _Woah woah calm down Haz. First, we both know that your feelings for him were more than just a silly crush, as you like to call it, and that they never disappeared completely. Second, I know that you want to live with him, I know this and me Zayn and Liam can't help but be worried about you.”_

“ _Why the he-”_

“ _Shush. I've let you finish now you let me talk. And yes we are worried because we know you and we know how you are when you love-okay okay_ like _someone, we also know that you keep everything bottled up and that you are stubborn and that we won't be there for you when you need to just breathe for a moment. But I'd like to say that you can't miss an opportunity like this one okay? Because, in my opinion, you're more than a friend to Niall.”_

“ _Louis, I appreciate that you're still trying to make me think a future with Niall is possible but..it's not. And I know it. And I'm fine with it.”_

“ _You're fine believing that, and I'm fine believing otherwise. Now, let's talk about something less stressful, at the beginning of December I'll finally come home.”_

_*_

Harry rang the bell once, twice, three times before giving up and trying to push the door open. To his surprise -but he shouldn't have been really, this was so typical of Niall- the door didn't oppose any resistance and he soon found himself inside the house. He didn't have time to look around and take in his surroundings because he spotted Niall, asleep on the couch while a rugby match was on. He cautiously walked over the blond boy, and just looked at him for a moment taking in the way he changed, became more mature, older, more handsome. He sighed, knowing that he was fucked, he missed Niall, and maybe he missed him a little bit more than his other friends, because, let's be honest, Niall was more than a friend. So he stayed there for a little while, when a mischievous grin appeared on his face. 

He went to the kitchen -after two minutes of being a bit lost- and went straight to the fridge doing a little victory dance when he found the bottle of whipped cream. He returned to the living room and sprayed a good amount of cream on both Niall's hands and than he started tickling Niall's face with the hem of his shirt. He knew it was a dumb joke but he always thought it was the best. And Niall proved him right when he brought his hands on his face to shake off the itchy feeling Harry's shirt gave him, and covered himself in white whipped cream. 

“What the fuck?!” He sat up and Harry had to brace himself against the wall because of the fit of laughter that took over his body. “You little sneaky shit! Oh my god you are so dead Styles!” he got up from the couch causing Harry to shriek and start running away from Niall. The only problem was that he didn't know the house and he suddenly found himself trapped in the bathroom. 

When Niall realized that Harry couldn't escape he smirked down at him and opened his arms, slowly walking towards his best friend. “Oh come on Harry don't be shy! I know you missed me!” 

“No no please I'm sorry, Niall please- Ah!” 

Niall was on Harry rubbing his face and his hands against Harry's face and curls, tickling him at the same time while the younger boy kept on begging him to stop and squealing and laughing. When they were both breathless they stopped and Niall stilled there, looking at Harry. Taking in how he grew up, how he was taller and skinnier, with longer hair and more tattoos, eyes brighter, mouth plumper, jaw sharper and well, Harry was beautiful, but yeah, Niall always thought that so maybe it didn't count. He also really really missed him, missed having his best friend beside him, missed his rants and his laugh and even his jokes. 

“I missed you Har.” He said opening his arms for the younger boy. 

“Missed you too.” Harry said nuzzling his face in Niall's chest while his hands held onto Niall's shirt. He breathed in Niall's cologne and he knew. He knew he was fucked, but at that time he didn't care. 

“I need you to help me bring my boxes inside.” Harry grinned up at him and fluttering his eyelashes. 

Niall huffed. “Fine. We need to talk about that look of yours okay? You can't use it on me. Also the puppy face- yes yes that one exactly. Don't you dare Harry.” he pointed a finger at Harry's chest while Harry just giggled. He had missed this. 

\- 

Now Harry is 22 and a radio host. Niall is 26 and a successful lawyer. And they still live together. Well, for the moment. 

\- 

It's the 28 th of August, London's temperature is already 10 degrees at 5.23 pm and Niall seriously couldn't care less about that shade of blue that is not technically blue but scientists proved that it's more of a green in the scale of colors of which, apparently, this bathroom's tiles are made of. This is the fourth house they visited in a week and, really. He didn't know _that_ many different types of tiles -and colors- could exist. Right now he doesn't even care about this house price, he just wants to go home, take his suit off, have a shower, eat and sleep. For several decades. 

_You are doing this for Barbara._ He reminds himself straightening his back and smiling at his girlfriend. They've been together for almost three years and well, Niall's happy with her. He can say that. They met during the winter fashion week in Paris because Harry really wanted to go and Niall didn't want him to be alone so he tagged along -this is the version Niall told Harry when his best friend asked him why he wanted to come. Truth is that Niall didn't want to leave Harry _alone with Nick_ , one of his colleagues. He doesn't quite like Nick. He is way older than Harry and way too flirty with him so yeah, better keep an eye on his friend-. 

Anyway. Barbara was a model at that show and when she chatted with him at the after party he immediately found her hot, she was even nice, as time went by they became a thing and then three years passed. They don't share many sweet memories, they barely see each other actually, and he doesn't say anything because Barbara has always been there at the end, he knows she will be there, and that's pretty much it. He surely wouldn't have time to try and find a new girlfriend. That's why he agreed once she told him that they should buy a house. They are both trying to save their relationship before it's too late. 

“And this is the end of the tour.” Mrs Steveson says clutching the yellow folder, containing every single document concerning the house, to her chest. “What do you think?” she smiles. 

“It's nice.” Niall tries. He just wants to go home. But apparently 'nice' is not good enough for Barbara because she's elbowing him in the ribs and when he turns to his right to look at her she's slightly pouting. He internally sighs. “I mean. It's nice, it's a really good house and there's everything we asked for.” he shrugs, smiling awkwardly at the woman in front of him. 

Barbara breathes out a dreamy sigh. “I think it's perfect.” and she smiles so big that Niall remembers why he liked her so much. He also remembers that when she gets like this it means that she has already made up her mind and usually she gets what she wants no matter the price -in this case quite literally-. 

“Well then I think you'll be happy to hear that it costs only 650 000 pounds. Now I'll give you two a moment to talk.” Mrs Steveson informs them smiling and as soon as the words leave her mouth Barbara is in front of Niall, with her hands on his waist and she's looking up at him pouting. 

“Niall baby please! This house is so perfect and it's even cheap! It has everything we are looking for so we would be idiots to not buy it! Please babe!” She is trying to make her eyes go big and watery but Niall just laughs because he is so used at Harry doing this and while he still has some problems saying no to his friend, he has become immune to other people's attempts. 

“Okay, anything for you.” He says smiling at her and pecking her on the lips. This house is indeed cheap. He expected something over 700 thousands because of the blue tiles that aren't blue but green and shit like that. And well he only has to pay 1/3 of the price because, as Barbara told him, she needed a new house and asked him if he wanted to move in with her. When he agreed she told him that she wanted him to pay only 1/3 because it's her father paying for it, so if something happens between them the house would stay hers. It's seems fair to Niall because he already has a home here. One that he wants to reach as soon as possible. 

“We'll buy this house.” Barbara says, letting out a satisfied sigh once Mrs Steveson joins them. 

“Perfect. Please come to the office on Monday to sign the documents and then the house will be yours in two weeks. It's been a pleasure working with you.” She says smiling one last time and shaking both theirs hands. 

Once outside Niall realizes that it's also raining and a grimace appears on his face causing Barbara to look at him curiously. “It's raining.” he mumbles. 

“Didn't you use to love the rain?” she hugs him looking up at him. 

“Yeah but it's August.” He knows that it's not because it's still summer. It's because after living for four years with Harry, the boy made him see every single horrible aspect of the rain, stating that it's only good for romantic movies, and seeing how bad weather influenced his friend, Niall has come to hate it. “So, are you sure about this house?” he asks kissing her on the forehead. 

She lights up. “Yes yes yes! It's perfect. I'm so happy that we finally found a house that doesn't cost a fortune.” Then she looks at her watch. “Oh I'm sorry babe now I have to go and pack. I'm going to Italy for two days remember?” When Niall hums in agreement she stands on her tiptoes and kisses him. It's a sweet, chaste kiss and Niall's happy with that. “See you on Monday.” she pecks him one last time on the lips before running towards her car. 

He sighs, tightening his blazer around his body -he didn't know it was going to be bloody freezing outside!- and takes out his car keys sprinting to his car. Once inside he turns on the heater and the radio while he takes a moment to recollect his thoughts before going home. Only the mention of 'home' makes him feel guilty and already melancholy. He is not sure if he wants to leave his place but, most of all, he is not sure if he wants to leave Harry. He still has to tell Harry about this, and he doesn't want to because he feels like he is going to break his promise. Knowing Harry, he will be happy for them but then, when he finally is alone, Niall knows that Harry will cry, Niall knows it because he knows Harry better than himself. 

And he doesn't want his best friend to be sad. In the past four years they shared everything and they also started a routine that it's been going strong since the first year of living together. Harry cooks and tidies the house while Niall does the dishes and the laundry. They tidy their own bedroom and they take turn for the groceries. On Thursdays they always watch the horror movie on TV and on Sunday they always go out to eat pizza. When Niall doesn't come home until late he would always find Harry asleep on the couch because no matter how many times Niall told him that he doesn't have to wait for Niall, Harry does it because he wants to know about his day and he wants to say goodnight, and every time it happens Niall's heart swells a bit. 

Niall knows he is going to miss this. He knows he is going to miss every single thing about his best friend, even the ones that usually annoys him like the fact that Harry leaves his things _everywhere_ and the fact that he likes to steal - “Borrow, Niall. I just borrow”- Niall's clothes, or Harry's taste in boyfriends. That is really horrendous. In Niall's opinion Harry could do so much better, it's just that he doesn't realize how amazing he is and, unfortunately, other people don't as well and they just take him for granted. Only Niall seems to realize that. 

He really needs to tell Harry that he is going to move out. 

\- 

When he finally gets home it's already 7:40pm and he can't wait for a good home-made meal that Harry will start preparing as soon as he sees Niall. The thought instantly puts the blond in a good mood, that is turned down as soon as he enters his house and he sees Harry on the couch with really red puffy eyes, bottom lip trembling and he is holding his breath, and Niall knows he is doing it because he hates the sounds he makes when he cries. Another clue is that besides Harry there are at least ten used tissues. 

Just like that, Niall doesn't care about his tiring day or the fact that he is practically starving, right now he only wants to see his best friend smile again. He puts his briefcase on the floor, he takes off his blazer tossing it on the other couch and then he walks towards Harry, takes all of the tissues and puts them on the coffee table while he sits down. Then he gently takes Harry in his arms and positions him on his lap. Harry buries his face in Niall's shoulder and he just stays there, trembling and trying not to breathe too much, he seems lifeless compared to the usual Harry that has to move every two seconds for at least twenty minutes before finding the position in which he is more comfortable. And Niall is worried but he doesn't pressure Harry on asking him what's bothering him because he knows that Harry always tells him everything. So he starts stroking Harry's hair, knowing that when someone strokes his curls Harry falls asleep in a matter of minutes -now he just wants to calm him down- and kisses his head every once in a while. “Harry you can cry come on. Don't hold everything inside. Let it out honey.” 

“No no. I-I'm f-fine.” Harry mumbles into his shoulder and Niall knows that Harry is lying. He knows that his friend always wants to act tough because he is always scared to be a bother for other people. He is wriggling on his lap, weakly pressing the palm of his hands against Niall's chest to get out of the blond's grip murmuring things like “I need to prepare dinner” or “You must be starving” or “I'm okay”. 

The only thing is that Niall is not having any of that so he tightens his arms around Harry feeling the warmth and the shakiness of the boy in his lap, he closes his eyes and presses his lips against Harry's forehead. He takes a big breath, his nostrils full of coconut and almond, and his heart clenches uncomfortably in his chest because what will happen to Harry when Niall won't be around anymore? Then he starts speaking against Harry's hot skin. 

“Harry stop. Breathe. You know that I don't care about dinner or anything but you right now, so can you please tell me what happened? What makes you so sad? You know I hate it when you are like this, and you know it's not good for you to keep everything inside. Please Haz, you're worrying me.” 

Harry's breath is more regular now so he raises his head making eye contact with Niall for the first time this evening. And Niall feels like he can't breathe for a second. Harry has damp, messy hair, his face is pale and the skin around his eyes is red. His lips are swollen and he is a bit sweaty. His eyes are watery. And in Niall's opinion Harry looks beautiful. Now. Niall knows Harry looks good, but sometimes he is hit by the realization that Harry is _beautiful._ A kind of beauty that makes him speechless and disorientated, because Harry his beautiful inside and out and whenever he feels like this, Niall has the urge to tell his friend about it. So he does. 

“You're beautiful, you know that right?” Niall asks softly smiling kindly at his best friend. But this time Harry doesn't blush -like he usually does-. Instead a big, fat, tear rolls down his cheek. Niall is there to wipe it off with his thumb and somehow it's all Harry needs to explain what happened to him earlier that day. “Basically, today, it was the moment where we talk to three or four people over the phone you know? And...and..the second call I got was a man..and he was nice at first. And we were talking about fears, and when I asked him what his fear was..he..he told me that..that he was scared that people like _me_ could turn his son into..into a f-fa...gay..and..I-I didn't know what to say and-” Harry can't speak anymore as another loud sobs escapes his lips. Niall holds him tight to his chest, settling the curly boy's head in the crook of his neck while he tries to keep his anger in control. 

He would like to find this man and tell him one or two things about respect and to drag him by his hair in front of Harry, making him ask for forgiveness because who gives somebody the right to say such things to others? And Niall can't help but hold Harry a little tighter while in his mind, flashes every single time someone hurt his friend like this. 

Everything started in high school when they encouraged Harry to come out and to confess his crush for this boy -fucking Marcus- and from that day on, somebody always had some insults ready for the green eyed boy. Sometimes Niall wishes they could switch position. Harry is too kind to reply and too frail to not care so eventually, he starts believing those things. 

“You came home later than usual today.” Harry says against his neck, still damp for the boy's tears. 

“Yeah..had to talk to my father.” He gulps. Niall absolutely hates lying. And he hates it even more if he is lying to his best friend, because he knows that Harry only ever lied to him twice and every time it was for a surprise, so he literally feels like shit right now. He knows, fuck, he knows he should tell him this before it's too late but he doesn't want to see the disappointed-broken look in his friend's eyes. He can't. He won't be able to get over it, he would feel guilty for the rest of his life. And like he said before, the toughest part would be that Harry is going to act like it's not bothering him. 

The Irish boy doesn't have the heart to break Harry even more, doesn't _want_ to be the one hurting Harry because the guilt he would feel would be too much for him. He can't lose Harry during his last two weeks in this house. That's why it's way easier to say that he had to talk to his father -who is his boss- and to start stroking Harry's curls to make the boy sleepy. _I'll tell him tomorrow._ That's what he keeps repeating to himself. 

“Don't you dare make me sleepy, Niall Horan.” Harry mumbles, and Niall can feel the boy's body relax in his arms, his breaths slow and deep and his body much warmer than before. So the blond puts his cheek against Harry's and he smiles wanting to commit this moment to his memory: “I can't help it, Harry Styles. It's quite funny how, if someone starts stroking your hair, you could fall asleep even in the middle of an AC/DC concert.” 

Harry grunts two or three times before pushing his hands in Niall's face, making sure to squeeze his nose so his Irish friend will untangle his hand from Harry's locks. “You know what's quite funny? The sound your stomach will make if I fall asleep and don't cook dinner.” Harry says getting up while Niall groans out a “You hang out too much with Louis.” in Harry's palm and Harry replies with a “Not my fault he is the only one who can stand me.” 

Silence. A silence they both know it shouldn't be ignored, but it's easier this way because they don't know what things are going to be said if they start talking about _it_ and, right now, they don't _want_ to know. So Niall breaks the silence laughing, but it's not his usual full, joyful, laugh. It's sad and kind of forced, and Harry is looking at him with a confused expression painted on his face but what is Niall supposed to tell him? That he will miss Harry's meal? That he will miss Harry's comebacks? The way Harry falls asleep if he touches his hair? And how can he tell Harry that Niall knows that he wasn't fully joking? That he knows Harry feels left alone and he is right feeling that way? 

Exactly. He can't. 

He motions for Harry to crouch down and when he does, Niall plants one last kiss on his forehead “Don't believe them okay Curls? You're perfectly fine the way you are, got it?” and if Niall sees the way Harry's lips part, his green eyes widens, if he hears the way Harry's breath stutters for a fraction of second and he decides to ignore it. Well, nobody has to know. 

\- 

He is staring at Niall talking happily with the waitress who is taking both of their orders -Niall knows Harry's by heart-, as he sighs internally. Then he remembers that Niall has Barbara so he can't be flirting with the waitress in front of him, and then he remembers that Niall _has_ _Barbara_ and that Barbara is not _him_ and he kind of wants to bang his head on the table because he's got it that bad. 

Maybe he should just remember that Niall is straight. As sad as that sound. Oh and he knows it, has seen every single one of Niall's girlfriend and has heard of every single one of Niall's one night stand (and, unfortunately, they were all girls. Pretty, curvy girls. Basically everything that Harry isn't), but he can't help but hope. Because that incredibly annoying, hot boy in front of him, who is shamelessly flirting (yes, Harry has seen Niall in action more than once and this is definitely flirting. And how can Harry blame him if the waitress is tall, curvy and has long, brown, curly hair?) with the girl, who now isn't taking their orders anymore, Harry would bet. Anyway, as he was saying, that evil of his best friend -oh how Harry hates this 'label'- keeps doing things that make him believe that maybe one day they can be together. Things that don't let him sleep because his imagination takes off to some mental trips and he just stay there, with a dumb smile on his face, realizing that it's already six in the morning and he spent five hours daydreaming and debating with himself. 

Like yesterday night, for example. Their untouched argument and Niall's kiss on his forehead. Harry is pretty sure that neither Liam nor Zayn and Louis have ever given him a kiss like that. Nor did Niall ever kissed them like that. But he is also pretty sure that he tends to over-analyze things when it comes to Niall so maybe he should just tell his conscience to shut up. 

Other times, the blond tells him he is beautiful. Out of the blue. And it makes him really uncomfortable because he doesn't know how to interpret it. Because Niall is straight. Okay? He likes girls, not boys. He is not even bi. So why does he tell Harry that he is beautiful? Normal friends don't do this. And if they do, they don't mean it. They say it to make fun of you. 

But Niall doesn't make fun of him. This much he can tell. He looks at him smiling and standing there looking all handsome and whatnot, and Harry always makes a fool of himself because he stutters, and he blushes and he mumbles something, making Niall laugh. But Niall isn't aware of the fact that the boy sat in front of him has a _huge freaking crush on him. Dare he say, he is in love with him._ Harry feels like screaming. 

Screaming because it's been twelve years since he has acknowledge his feelings for the blond and nothing happened. That's why he can't let his hopes up. He doesn't know why Niall insisted on taking him out for breakfast this morning, when he usually sleeps until past noon and it's Harry who has to wake him up for lunch. He doesn't know, and he can't dwell on this thought. So he presses his forehead against the crook of his elbow, and his nose against the wooden surface of the table and tries to suppress his need to throw something at the waitress' head or, at least, to clear his throat and make his presence known. He closes his eyes and he focuses himself on his breathing. He could fall asleep here, making up for the hours spent thinking about the blond, the previous night. 

He could seriously fall asleep. Feels himself drifting off when, suddenly, a warm hand is gently pressed on his skull. Then, said hand, starts caressing his curls in circular, caring motions and he purrs. Literally. Entering in a state of tranquility that's just right to take a nap. 

“You know, sometimes I wish I could be able to touch your curls without you falling asleep even in a bloody cafe.” At this, Harry jolts up confused because Niall's voice came closer to him than he expected, and he finds Niall sitting next to him, smiling really big and really bright, and he blushes for no reasons, thinking about what Niall will say if he knows the feelings Harry has for him. 

“Sorry, can't help that my curls are so irresistible.” He says shaking his hair in Niall's face because, after all, things with Niall are easy (and because he really likes to annoy the other boy). 

Niall splutters, “I said _touch_ them, not _eat_ them.” 

“Who knows. Maybe this is some kink of yours.” He smirks when he sees Niall surprised face. It's not an usual thing that he is able to leave the Irish boy without an immediate comeback so, obviously, he always feels proud of himself when it happens. And, when it happens, it lasts for few seconds until Niall's face is adorned with a smirk (usually Harry starts to worry by now). 

“Well, at least I don't fall asleep if someone pulls my hair while we're at it.” He whispers, close to the curly hair boy's ear. Too close. Harry feels his cheeks becoming as red as Niall's shoulders when he sunbathes, and he chokes because of all the things Niall could have said, Harry sure wasn't expecting this one. It makes him uncomfortable, the whole topic makes him fidget in his chair and he wants to amplify the distance between them. _If only Niall knew._

One thing is to have this kind of thoughts while he is alone at home. Another, is thinking of your best friend -very hot, very straight, very taken best friend- behind him, with a hand in his hair and the other on his hip, whispering those kind of things. 

_Harry does not want to think about this now._

His best friend's laughter -which, Harry thinks, it's the first thing that made him fall in love with the blond boy- brings him back to reality. “Oh God! You should see your face right now!” He manages to say, “I didn't think you'd be so embarrassed.” and then he his doubling over again, covering his stomach with his arms. 

_I am embarrassed because it's you._ Harry wants to say -he is pretty annoyed right now-, and maybe it's a good thing that the waitress arrives with their food, preventing him from replying. (This time Niall doesn't even look at her, too busy laughing at Harry). 

\- 

Harry lets out an embarrassed groan as he reads the text Louis just sent him but he doesn't manage to reply because Niall is snatching it away from him, grumbling about how Harry is always attached to _this bloody thing,_ and Harry is left staring at his empty hands in confusion before his neurons connect again and he is paralyzed by pure terror. 

As Niall's expression changes from grumpy, to confused, to disappointed? Harry feels like throwing up. He pales and when Niall's blue eyes settle on his face, his cheeks redden, and the nauseating feeling in his stomach grows even more. He mentally curses Louis for sending him the text and he curses Niall for taking his phone away, and he curses his life because this is not fair. 

“Who is _your lover boy,_ Harry?” Niall asks, gripping Harry's phone a little tighter than necessary but never taking his eyes off of Harry's. 

“Uh..Err..No one?” He says, and he is lucky if Niall heard him because his throat seems too full of feelings and fear to let his voice come out. He doesn't want to blow up the past twelve years pretending that all he felt for Niall was a strong friendship, like this. He didn't even plan on telling Niall his feelings anytime soon. 

Niall is looking at him so intensely that Harry thinks the blond is seeing right through him. Harry doesn't like lying and he is not even able to do it, and by the way Niall is looking at him, he knows that it's useless. 

“Harry.” 

“Yeah?” Harry breathes out. Niall is shifting closer to him on the couch and now Harry has to look at his trembling hands, images of Niall understanding everything and reciprocating his feelings flash through his mind, and he has to jab one of his nails in his left hand to keep himself calm, and controlled. He sees three possibilities in front of him: run away of the house and change Country. Start to beg for Niall's forgiveness, saying that he is sorry and that it's nothing. Kiss Niall. 

“Is this about Nick? You know I highly dislike him, but if you fancy him, you can tell me, you know? I am always going to support you Haz.” And now Niall is ruffling his hair. And Harry wants to bite his hand off. He laughs bitterly (why did he even think about the possibility of Niall realizing Harry's feelings for him. _Niall will never even take into consideration the possibility._ ),and Niall lifts his chin so he can see his best friend's face and Harry can explain him his reaction. 

“Yeah, but Louis is just making fun of me. Don't worry Nialler, you know I tell you everything.” Harry fights really hard with another round of bitter laugh as he finishes his sentence. 

“Good. Because Nick is stupid.” Niall says and Harry suddenly finds himself pressed against Niall's chest while two strong arms are around him. This would be really nice if it wasn't so painful for the green eyed boy. “Now let's watch this horror.” Niall exclaims, rubbing his hands against Harry's arms as to prove his excitement. 

Harry whines. “Shush Harry, we've been doing this for four years.” 

“And I've been protesting for four years.” He mumbles, lightly punching Niall's chest but not making any attempt to move away from the blond. 

“Then you must really love me if you've been sitting on this couch every Thursday, for the past four years, eh?” Niall chuckles pinching Harry's nose. _Yeah, I really must._ Harry thinks as his heart sinks a bit because Niall was joking, but he couldn't have said something truer than that. 

He is about to reply when Niall's phone rings. They both groan because they have just found a comfortable position on the couch (Harry groans because he doesn't want to untangle his body from Niall's), and Niall, too lazy to get up, stretches his leg until he reaches his phone on the coffee table with his foot and then he lets it fall to the ground -he despises that thing- so he can bend down and pick it up. Harry doesn't manage to see who's calling but from the way Niall huffs and taps the _ignore_ button, he thinks it's someone related to work -probably Bobby, the blond's father-. 

Curiosity gets the best of him. 

“Who was it?” 

Niall huffs again, “Barbara.” He is repositioning his body -along with Harry's- on the couch when the curly haired boy raises his head and looks up at him bewildered. 

“Why didn't you reply? Did you two fight?” As much as Harry would like for them to break up, he thinks that Barbara is a really lovely girl and she and Niall make a good couple so yeah, he is truly concerned when he asks this question, ready to give his Irish friend some advice to make things right again. After all, it wouldn't be the first time it happened. 

“No. No it's just” he rakes a hand through his blond locks, “it's our Thursday night and I don't want any distractions. So can you please turn off yours as well?” He looks at Harry pleadingly and Harry feels his chest swell with even stronger feelings for his best friend. And a newfound hope is born in his soul, because what if Niall will finally notice him? What if he can have his happily ever after? Maybe Niall has some feelings for him too and he is getting tired of his relationship with Barbara. 

“Okay.” He sighs against Niall's shoulder, with his body pressed closer to the Irish boy's one. Niall turns on the television and the movie is about to start but Harry couldn't care less because he knows that in two minutes time he is going to be scared and turn his head away from the screen, fixating his gaze on his best friend's profile, like he does every Thursday night. He is going to fantasize about Niall until the end of the film and he knows that he can't be more obvious than this, but Niall is usually pretty engaged with whatever happens in the movie so he is safe. 

Or maybe Niall has noticed a long time ago and he doesn't want to mention it. Whatever it is, Harry will keep blaming his lack of attention on his -true- fear of horror movies. 

“You're working a lot, lately.” Harry mumbles against Niall's left shoulder. Now his legs are in Niall's lap and the movie ended half an hour ago, leaving them to spend those thirty minutes cuddling in silence until Harry has decided to say what has been in his mind for a few days. 

He feels Niall's body tense underneath his touch and he would like to look up to see the expression on the blond's face, but he is so cozy and Niall his so warm and he smells so good that Harry just presses himself closer to him, hoping that Niall understands Harry is ready to listen to him. The curly haired boy knows that sometimes Niall and his father get on each other's nerves. 

“Yeah, we're pretty busy at the moment.” Niall replies, and his voice sounds a little too strained to Harry's ears but he blames it on the fact that he is going to fall asleep anytime now so maybe he is hearing things. 

“Oh, any big cases? Something scandalous?” Even if he is too tired for making conversation right now, Harry forces himself to stay awake and listen to whatever Niall wants to tell him because, one, he absolutely loves when the Irish boy starts talking about his job, or some particular case, giving Harry tasty details and revealing some secrets that weren't on the newspaper; and two, he can't help but feel like there is something off with Niall. 

“No, nothing to worry about, just paper to read and sign.” The blond finishes with a chuckle as he sneaks a hand behind Harry's back and secures it on his best friend's hip. 

Harry feels like he is going to melt in a puddle of tiny little, sparkling, pink hearts, and he tries -he really does- to not start fantasizing about that big, warm, hand on his right hip, so he focuses on his breathing but the situation doesn't get better. His nostrils fill up with Niall's minty perfume, and he says a little prayer thanking all the Saints above that it's night and the blond hasn't put his aftershave on, because with that strong smell of anise, the green eyed boy would be salivating on his best friend's t-shirt right now. 

“Are you sure you are okay?” Harry yawns against Niall's clothed chest. Instead of replying, Niall squeezes Harry's hip and brings his other hand up to the other boy's curls and kisses the top of his head, smiling sadly when he hears Harry sighing a 'Love you' before his breathing evens out and his body goes slack against Niall's. 

Niall would like to shake him awake and tell him that he is not working as much as his friend thinks, that the papers he has to read and sign are for his new house and that he is not okay. He is not okay because for the last week everything on his mind was about how he doesn't want to leave Harry. 

He knows that it's a matter of days before the younger boy finds out, but he keeps repeating himself that imagining his friend's devastated expression will never hurt as much as seeing it for real. 

\- 

Harry scoffs closing the book and putting in on the armrest of _his_ armchair, while he closes his eyes and massages the space between them. 

"What?" Niall snorts, "The story is not going how you planned?" He is sprawled out on the couch, with his hands under his head and his ankles crossed on the other armrest so that his feet are dangling in the air. He is watching Harry with an amused, and at the same time lazy expression, and Harry wants nothing more than to jump on him and snog his face off. Sometimes it's like this. Harry has these unbearable urges to jump on Niall and do things that friends don't usually do. Unless they are friends with benefits, but this is not the point. 

Harry glares at Niall, "Don't make fun of me just because I have a heart and I actually care for what happens to the characters of a story, and I get emotional over these things, mister I-like-books-where-people-get-killed. And no. Actually my head hurts." He finishes with a frown, pressing the pad of his fingers hard against his forehead. 

Niall looks at him concerned for a moment before he lets out a tut and looks at him disapprovingly, like his mother did when he tried to steal the pack of gummy bears that his parent hid on the top shelf of the cupboard. And he knows what the boy is going to say before he even opens his mouth. "It's because you have to wear your glasses when you read. How many times do I have to repeat it to you?" 

Harry whines and covers his face up until his nose with the neck of his dark blue jumper, trying to convey all his frustration towards the blond boy in his eyes -he fails miserably-, and Niall is looking too smug for Harry's liking because he knows he is getting on his friend's nerves and he loves it. "They make me look stupid." He grumbles speaking against the cotton fabric. 

"Oh, I didn't know you could look stupider than usual." Niall replies, giving Harry his million dollar smile and changing position on the couch so that now he is leaning on his elbow and he can look at Harry in a better way, more directly. Niall likes to tease his best friend because he wants to see if Harry, for once in his life, will finally swear; it's absolutely endearing how Harry prefers to let another person win the argument, rather than curse. 

"Well, I didn't know you could be more of an ass, but here you are proving me I was wrong all along." 

Niall gasps, bringing his right hand on his chest, faking being hurt by Harry's words, "Harold Edward Styles! I'm sure your mother raised you better than this!" 

"She raised me telling me to not waste my time with people who aren't worth it, so if you'll excuse me." He stands up, letting the cover fall on the ground and starts to walk away with his chin held up high but, as he takes his second steps towards the kitchen, his right foot gets tangled with the cover and panic decorates his features before he lands on the ground -thankfully, he manages to soften the impact with the floor with his hands-. 

There's a moment where all they can hear is the washing machine working in the laundry room: Harry is too busy feeling shocked because that was not how he was supposed to walk away, and Niall just wants to be sure that he is not imagining things and that his best friend is a real idiot, and a fucking adorable one. 

The washing machine goes back into oblivion when Niall starts to laugh and Harry doesn't care if the blond boy is laughing at him, because every time this beautiful sound escapes through his best friend's lips, his heart does some backflips and his stomach is full of pterodactyls, and he feels like he is falling in love all over again with the beauty in front of him, because when Niall laughs, everybody stops and listens. When Niall laughs he makes everybody laugh and smile as well because he is so full of joy, so full of life that makes you want to live looking at the bright side of things. His face gets all red and he scrunches up his nose while his lips part to reveal perfectly white teeth, but his eyes, oh his eyes are what makes Harry go short on breath. They sparkle, they literally sparkle, and the crinkles around them makes Niall seem even more alive and joyous. 

He knows he is staring, he knows on his face all these emotions are probably on display right now, but he can't bring himself to stop. He can't take his eyes off of his best friend and every single part of his body aches because he wants, he _needs to be loved_ by Niall, he feels like he can't fully live if Niall doesn't reciprocate his feelings. 

"I hate you." He says, and maybe there's a hidden truth behind these words at the moment. Harry kind of hates what Niall is able to do to him just by laughing. 

"No you don't. You love me too much. Beside you wouldn't be able to hate anyone, you're a softie." Niall sing-songs shifting on the couch so that now he and Harry are at eye level, faces only inches apart. 

Harry once again, hides half of his face under the collar of his jumper and he is glad of it because this proximity with Niall is causing his cheeks to heat up. He doesn't want to do or say anything stupid so he reaches out with his right hand and squeezes Niall's nose between his thumb and forefinger shouting "Boooop!" 

Niall laughs and mutters an 'Idiot' before he returns the favor, and Harry frees his face from the jumper and tries to playfully bite the blond's wrist, causing Niall to grin down at him and wriggle his eyebrows "Ow, little Hazzy is feisty today." 

"I'll show you feisty." Harry threatens and then, in a particularly swift move, stands up and jumps on the couch on top of Niall's back playfully growling and pushing Niall's face against the sofa while ruffling the blond's locks. Niall starts moving underneath him, kicking and flailing his arms up in the air, trying to hit Harry, pleading him to stop, but the curly haired boy is having too much fun. "Oh I'm stupid, I can't understand what you're saying, sorry." He says teasingly and Niall groans. 

"C'mon Haz, I'm sorry! Get off of my back now, please!" 

"Nope." Harry replies and Niall can see the grin on his best friend's face just by hearing the tone of his voice. He knows he is not getting out of the situation so he tries to play dirty. 

"No, Harry..you are really hurting me...Harry please.." He says, voice strained. He feels Harry's body tense above his and in a matter of seconds his friend is on the floor again, looking at him with panic and concern written all over his face. 

The blond feels hands on his jaw as his blue eyes meet watery green ones and he suddenly feels like and asshole for what he said to Harry, he knows what is going trough his friend's head right now. "Shoot Ni I'm sorry. Gosh you're right I am so stupid! Did I hurt you that bad? Please forgive me, sometimes I forget how much I weigh..." 

He says the last part in a whisper, feeling embarrassed and disgusted with himself, he wishes he could disappear right on the spot but unfortunately he can't. And in his mind he can't help but compare himself to Barbara -with whom Niall has to go out in a bit-, she is so skinny and flawless, and okay, it's pretty obvious that Niall would choose her over him anytime, even if he was gay. 

"Oh my god Harry don't start with that crap okay? I was joking, don't start getting all mopey about your body because you don't have a reason to, got it?" Somehow they are both sitting on the couch, Niall looking at the brunette, frustrated, and Harry looking anywhere but Niall because he would want to say _a lot_ of things right now, but for the sake of the last twelve years of their friendship, he thinks it's better if he shuts up. 

Anyway, it's in this position that Louis and Zayn find them when they enter Harry and Niall's house, and, while Harry leaps off the couch and tumbles into Louis' waiting arms, Niall looks at Harry slipping through his fingers and finds himself frowning at the scene in front of him muttering 'I knew giving you our keys was a bad decision' as he remembers that day, two years ago he thinks, when he tried to stand up for his opinion, saying that no, he didn't want the others, _especially Louis,_ to have free access to his home but then Harry gave him his best puppy dog eyes and he found himself sighing and nodding. 

Back to the present -now Zayn is whining to Louis because 'I haven't seen Hazza in a while too, you twat!' and the three boys end up being a pile of limbs on the floor-, it's not that he is jealous of Harry's friendship with the others, but the two of them were having a moment -' _One of the last'_ a little annoying voice reminds him- where he could remind Harry he is perfect the way he is. 

And suddenly thinking about the moving out, makes him nauseous and he needs to go out of here. He takes his jacket and his car keys, phone already in his back pocket, and he makes his way towards the boys on the floor. 

"Already leaving Nialler?" Louis asks him while they fist bump, repeating the action with Zayn. He feels Harry's green eyes on him but he doesn't want to look at him right now. _Can't._

"Yup, Barbs is waiting for me." 

"Uh, don't wanna make the lady wait then. See you Irish." Louis stands up, giving him a one-armed hug while Zayn and Harry are still on the ground. 

"Bye guys! Don't have too much fun without me!" And maybe he means it, referring to the curly haired boy. 

"Bye Niall" 

" _Au revoir mon ami"_ Harry grins up at him, with that stupid smile of his that makes him look like a five year-old child even if he is tewnty-two. 

"You're an idiot." He mutters fondly, approaching him to ruffle his hair "bye Curls." And then he is gone. 

\- 

"Well, well, well, my dearest Harry. I saw something interesting there." Louis says sitting down on the couch and resting his hands on his knees, looking at his two friends still sitting on the floor. 

Harry looks at him bewildered, but when his blue eyed friend raises his brows, lowering almost imperceptibly his head as if he is saying _c'mon I know you know what I'm talking about,_ Harry groans and turns to the left to hide his face in Zayn's shoulder. The dark haired boy laughs silently watching the scene before his eyes. "Zayn! Make him stop!" 

"What? Me?" Louis exclaims straightening his back, "I am just stating facts! I said I saw something interesting! Maybe I was referring to the color of your socks which, by the way, is really arguable." 

Zayn laughs out loud now, and Harry has to lift his head from his shoulder because one, Zayn isn't that comfortable when he is laughing and all his body is shaking, and two, he wants to take a look at his socks. They are bright orange and he can't see anything _arguable_ about it. So he looks at Louis raising a brow, and Louis looks back doing the same. Sometimes they have this brow contests, and they always end up with thousands of wrinkles on their foreheads, losing the original aura of skepticism. 

"But seriously, how are things with your lover boy?" 

"Zayn! I thought you were on my side! How can you possibly believe that Niall feels something apart from friendship for me? C'mon! You know him guys! When has he ever shown interest from another male human being?" Harry says looking at his friends disbelievingly. He is getting really worked up right now, they know Niall is a sore spot for him -has been for twelve years, really- and yet they keep wanting to mislead him. He stands up, sitting down once again on his armchair so Zayn has to go sit next to Louis on the couch. He then covers himself with the same cover he had before, and he puts a cushion on his stomach, hugging it, and trying to protect himself from the argument that it's about to start. 

"Harry, c'mon! You have to let yourself hope!" Louis says, looking on the verge of both crying and punching someone. 

Harry snorts, already feeling his throat closing up and his eyes burning. "Hope? Hope for what? Hope for Niall to finally notice me? Hope for Niall to suddenly turn gay? Hope for him being in love with me for ages but being too shy to tell me? Tell me Louis, what should I hope for, because I don't see anything here!" 

Louis opens his mouth to speak, but Zayn places a hand on his thigh, knowing that Harry is far from finished. Also knowing that Harry could literally bite them if they don't let him talk -it indeed happened before, but they were way younger, and it's another story-. 

"Oh! Maybe I should hope that yesterday night Niall was really jealous of Nick...yeah Louis he read your message and thought that lover boy was Nick, not himself, thank God...I should hope that he notices that I always wait up for him, even if sometimes he comes home at past eleven at night. I should hope that these weeks he was really touchy and cuddly because he is falling for me. That he secretly dreams of me at night and that he can't fall asleep because of it. I can start hoping that when he tells me I'm beautiful and that I am perfect the way I am, it's because he means it and not out of pity. I should hope that when he cuddles me he feels all warm inside, and he can't get enough of my hugs. I should hope that he loses himself in my eyes, like I do every single time I look at him. Perhaps it's better if I hope that he notices all the little things I do for him. That he always flirts with girls, to make _me_ jealous. That he is not in love with _his girlfriend._

I should probably hope that when he sees me blushing and stuttering around him he understands what I feel for him so he can confess his undying love for me, uh? 

Or maybe not. Maybe it's better if I hope to bury these feelings and try to look for someone who loves me and I can be happy with. Or at least try. Because Niall will _never_ see me in any other way except as his best friend. " 

"But you are not happy, Harry.."' Louis sounds like he is going to break, that's why Zayn slings his right arm over his shoulders, and Harry would do that too if he wasn't so _lost_ right now. 

"I am." He affirms stubbornly. Louis glares at him and he can read in Zayn's face the question in his mind: _seriously?_

"You are not. That, is called pretending." Zayn says, and they all would laugh if the tension in the room wasn't so thick. A sassy Zayn, is usually a hilarious Zayn. 

"So? Who cares?" Harry mumbles under his breath, and he knows he sounds like a teenage boy in high school who thinks that there's a conspiracy against him and that nobody would care if he went missing. He knows that Louis is probably going to spit out fire and Zayn too, but maybe he just needs to hear that he is important too sometimes. From people who aren't his mum -c'mon- or Niall - _c'mon_ -. 

"Fuck you Harry! Icare, Zayn cares, _we_ care! Fuck you! Who are we? Nobody? Because okay, I can only imagine what you've been feeling over these years, and I am not only talking about your feelings for Niall, but do you know how we feel seeing you so _unhappy?_ Do you know how we felt whenever your heart was broken? Because God Harry! Your heart is permanently broken. It all started with Marcus, then there was George, then Peter, and than Aiden, and the funny part in this is that only the last two were actually your boyfriends. And you know what's even funnier? That you've been in love with Niall all along so when we, as in me, Liam, Zayn and _him,_ were trying to make you get over what happened, you were slowly falling for Niall more and more and we saw it Harry. Me, Liam and Zayn saw when it came too painful for you to stay near Niall and at the same time you couldn't stay away. We saw the look on your face every time he talked about some girls, we could almost hear your heart breaking. And now! Harry! Now that he is going to...Gosh! I don't even know how you are able to look at him really. So stop. Stop pretending that you are okay, especially with _this."_

Louis finishes his rant finding himself standing up in front of Harry and Harry well. He feels a lot of _things_ right now. He is touched by Louis' words, he never heard Louis say something like this and he didn't know his friend -all of them really- cared about him that much. He feels guilty. Guilty because he didn't want to cause this, guilty because sometimes he should make them believe that he is fine, he doesn't want them to be so worried. He feels shocked, because he didn't know Louis, Liam and Zayn, understood him so well, he didn't know he had three guardian angles. Lastly he feels confused. What is it that Niall is going to do? 

"Wha- Lou..I'm, I'm sorry...I..what?" 

"Don't play dumb with me, Harry." 

There's a moment of silence where Harry tries to find the words to make Louis believe him, and Louis looks at him skeptically, until Zayn speaks up, voice quite and uncertain: "Lou...look at him....he doesn't know." 

Things happen fast then. 

"What Zayn? C'mon you kno-...Oh my God! You _don't!"_ Louis finishes turning to Harry once again. Harry can see on his face pure anger. He is seriously scared right now, and the fact that Zayn is sitting there with this disappointed, thoughtful, pitiful look, makes Harry's stomach churn in panic. 

"What? What is it that I don't know? What is Niall going to do?" And the only thing that flashes through his mind is a diamond ring on Barbara's fourth finger. He thinks he is going to throw up. 

"Oh God, I need to get out of here." And with that Louis storms out of his home, while Harry mumbles something along the line of "But we didn't talked about the present for Niall!" The last word lost in a whisper. 

Silence. He turns towards Zayn, looking at him, begging him to tell him what is happening, but the emotions pictured on his friend's face make him want to cry, and he feels nauseous. 

"I...I have to go Haz, you know you can't trust Louis when he is like this. If you need me call, okay? Whenever you want. And I mean it." 

Before the green eyed boy can stutter out a sentence, he finds himself alone in his home. And his thoughts are already starting to devour him. What is it that Niall is hiding from him? He sensed that there has been something off with his friend, but he thought it was nothing major, he thought it was _work._ Evidently it isn't. It's something much more relevant if Louis's reaction is anything to go by. Is Niall seriously going to propose to Barbara? If it's the case, why didn't he tell him? Why is Niall lying to him? 

He can't confront the blond on this, what is he supposed to say, ' _oh Niall, today Louis told me that you are hiding something horrible from me.'_? 

He feels his chest tightening, his throat is closing up and his lungs are burning. He brings a hand to his neck and the other pressed to his chest as he tries to concentrate on breathing regularly, but it's all too much. The events of the last hour, his feelings, Niall, Niall, Niall. He can't breathe. He feels light headed and hot, he knows it's a matter of minutes -maybe less- until he ends up fainting if he doesn't calm down. Panic attacks cause him asthma and he needs to get a hold of his inhalator quickly. 

\- 

"Louis what the fuck was that?" Zayn shouts as soon as the door of Harry and Niall's house closes behind him. He sees his friend kicking the wheel of his own car and just by this, he knows it will be very hard to try and reason with him. 

"Don't." Louis hisses, stopping his movement. Zayn sees the tension in his body and it's better if he keeps his distance from the blue eyed boy right now. "Don't 'what the fuck' me because you bloody hell know what _that_ was." It sounds like Louis is spitting those words, like he wants to get rid of them because they are poisoned. "Go 'what the fuck' your Irish friend instead! How dare he do this to Harry? Zayn, for how long has he known he is going to move out, mh? Almost two months. And when did he finally buy the new house? What..three weeks? Yes, three _whole fucking weeks_ and Harry doesn't know _anything_ about it! _We_ have known this for a whole month Zayn! How dare he? And it's not just something that you can _forget._

God, I want to punch him so bad. Do you have any idea of how much this is going to break Harry? Do you want to see him with bags under his eyes and bones threatening to break his skin once again? Fuck!" Louis finishes cursing with all the power in his vocal chords and kicking the wheel so fiercely that for a moment Zayn thought he was going to break it. 

And when Louis screams, there's only one way to make him listen: scream back. "But you didn't have to throw it all on Harry! Can you imagine how he is feeling right now? Louis you have to learn how to shut up sometimes! Now he knows that something is up with Niall, but you can't tell him okay? It's none of your business!" 

"It _is_ my bloody business if this is going to fuck up one of my best friend, and our friendship in general!" 

"No it isn't! This is not so simple! There are Harry's feelings on the line now! You can't just go inside and say something like 'oh, by the way, Niall is moving out. He bought a house with Barbara.' Because that, to Harry's ears will sound like 'oh by the way Niall chose Barbara over you, he is going to leave you.' So here's what you are going to do now. You stop kicking that fucking car, you calm yourself down and then you take your ass back inside and make up something to stop Harry from panicking, okay?" 

They are both glaring at each other, their chest raising and falling quickly, they look ready to rip off each other's throat but in reality they are just scared and lost, because they suddenly found themselves in a situation that can't end happily. Minutes pass and then Louis sighs, marching once again towards the wooden door with the number 164 on it. 

When Louis opens the door he is not ready -the thought didn't even crossed his mind- to see his best friend struggling to breathe. Harry has his back against the wall with a hand on his chest and his head hung low. His whole body his trembling and his knees are about to give out, too frail to support his body at the moment. And Louis is paralyzed. This is not the first time he has seen his best friend during a panic attack, hell, he is usually the one taking care of him -perks of being the son of a nurse- but today, if it wasn't for Zayn that sprinted towards Harry's room to take the curly haired boy's inhalator, Harry would have probably died for lack of oxygen. Louis' neurons start to connect with the rest of his body only when he sees Zayn bringing Harry down on the floor with him and shoving the little thing in their friend's mouth. 

Harry's eyes widen and his hands fly up to cup his throat while he emits a sound that always gave chills -the bad type- to Louis, and when he sees the green eyed boy's body just give out and slouch against Zayn he is quick to run towards him and kneel in front of him. 

"Is he breathing?" 

"Zayn, is he breathing?" He repeats, raising the tone of his voice because he is so _scared_ right now. He takes his eyes away from Harry's face hidden by his curls to look at Zayn who is breathing heavily and is kind of trembling. 

"Yes, he is. _Fuck,_ he is." 

"He needs to lay down. C'mon Zayn, help me put him in the couch, he needs to lay down." He says while he stands up, taking Harry's ankles in his hands, "Put your hands under his armpits." He instructs. 

"Yes, _I know."_ Zayn replies, and if he sounds a little irritated well, see one of your best friends struggling to stay alive and then you can talk. He doesn't even want to know what would have happened if he and Louis just drove away. _Fuck._

They lift Harry's body up but they both were expecting a stronger resistance from his friend's body mass. "Fuck, he is so _light_." Louis whispers, trying to control his anger. 

"He has lost weight." Zayn agrees, looking down worriedly. 

With a few grunts they manage to lay Harry on the couch and while Louis puts his friend's head on his lap, Zayn sits down on the armchair taking the remote. Louis rakes his hands through Harry's curls, finally freeing his face from that curtain so he can see it: it's pale and shiny with sweat, purple bags are starting to appear under his closed eyes and his lips are trembling. He takes notice that Harry's whole body is quivering so he asks Zayn to throw a cover at him. He covers his friend, making sure that every inch of his body from his neck to his feet is hidden by the cover, then he sighs looking at the now turned on television, trying hard not to cry. It is going to be a long day. 

\- 

When Niall parks his car in front of his _home_ , he doesn't expect to see Louis' one still there. After a whole afternoon spent bringing new furnitures in his and Barbara's new house he hoped to have a nice, relaxing evening with Harry _only_. The more he stays in that house, the more he wants to never leave his actual _home._ He is kind of dreading the moment when he would tell Harry -he has to eventually- and he dreads even more the moment when he finally would have nothing to do with _this_ place anymore. 

He takes a deep breath and stares at the window that faces the living room, there is no light on so he assumes that the boys are watching a movie or maybe they are in Harry's room doing God knows what on the computer -one time Niall entered the room without knocking and he heard Louis reading out loud something about Harry and Nick that someone on the Internet made up. He still shivers at the thought, remembering that he was the only one finding that frustrating and _discomforting._

He takes a moment to stare at his home before he leans his forehead against the steering wheel and thinks. He thinks about all the fun he had since Harry has been living with him, he thinks about that horrible armchair that Harry _wants_ to keep, he thinks about their movie nights, the day they decided they should buy a new television, when they went buying a Christmas tree, God, Niall loves how Harry turns into a little child every time he sees something shiny around December, he loves how he would always insists that Niall decorates the tree with him because "Everything about Christmas is meant to be shared" and Niall would always give in. He really doesn't know why he is thinking about Christmas -it's September for crying out loud!- but suddenly Niall feels _doomed._ There is no going back. He bought the house, he decorated it and in less than a week he is going to throw is birthday party there, inaugurating the start of his new life with Barbara. And Harry has the right to know before his birthday, Niall must tell him. Now. 

Making up his mind, he decides that as soon as Louis and Zayn leave his house - hopefully in just a bit- he is going to tell Harry everything -maybe he will avoid some details like he had been planning on buying a new house for two months- taking advantage of the fact that Harry is always happy when Louis and Zayn drop by. Yes. He is going to do it. 

All his resolve, though, crumbles before him when he enters his place and looks at the scene in front of him. Harry is asleep on the couch, his head on Louis' lap and he is covered with his blanket from his feet to his chin. Louis is playing with Harry's curls and frowning at the wall opposite to him. Niall can't see Zayn's expression because he is sitting on Harry's armchair but the blond has a feeling that he isn't watching the TV either and that, instead, he is staring at Harry. And something feels so wrong to him. Because he has never witnessed peace and quiet when Harry, Louis and Zayn are in the same room, they usually act like excited puppies that love each other dearly but keep bickering just to say something. As if they all hated silence. 

He then fixes his eyes on Harry's figure -his main concern really-, trying to understand if something is wrong with him but the light from the television screen doesn't allow him to see much so, on their own accord, his eyes travel a bit upwards and land on Louis' hands in Harry's hair. And his body stiffens imperceptibly. It is not that he is jealous or something like that, it's just that, well, that is where _his_ hands belong and not Louis'. It's Niall the one who usually rakes his fingers through that brown mane just to get Harry worked up about the fact that the blond is trying to make him shut up when he has lots of things to say. Or when Harry needs comforting. And Louis is sat on _his_ spot on the couch. And suddenly Niall wants to tell him to fuck off because Harry chose _him._ Harry went to live with him and not Louis, so Louis can gladly stop trying to steal his best friend because _Niall_ is Harry's best friend and not Louis. Louis is a very good friend of his indeed, just not the best. 

Niall feels betrayed. He knows that there is something that Harry is keeping from him, and maybe he was wrong all along, maybe Louis never stopped being Harry's best friend, sure they already had a special bond when Niall came into the picture so maybe Louis has known a lot more of things about Harry than him. He remembers the first year they were living together and Louis was still in America, Harry skyped with him three times a week and every time he locked himself in his room -Niall never eavesdropped because he is a good person-. 

Fuck, he is so confused right now. Maybe he is just being paranoid and of course everybody has secrets, even best friends, and he really, _really,_ has no room to judge. But he goes straight to his bedroom without greeting anyone because he is kinda fuming for no reasons right now. Well he has his reasons, they just don't make sense. 

He closes the door behind him leaning his back against its wooden surface and tries to just breathe. He knows he is overreacting, there is nothing wrong with Louis and Harry's friendship and he feels guilty for even thinking those things because Louis makes Harry _happy_ and so everything is fine. He doesn't know if the sight of the two of them cuddling got him so worked up because he had a bad day or because it ruined his plans of confessing everything to the curly haired boy; he guesses it's both, and maybe he wanted to find Harry in the kitchen making him dinner and wide awake to ask how his day went, and then have Harry all to himself to make up for the time they are bound to spend apart. He is a little selfish, yeah? 

Since he is already in his room he decides to change his clothes into a pair of sweats and a baggy t-shirt before going to greet the boys in his living room, hoping that they won't ask him about his earlier attitude. He puts his phone on charge and then goes out of his room, he puts a smile on his face and when he finally arrives to the living room he decides not to mention the look on his friends' faces: "Hey lads! How is it going?" 

Niall was ready for several answers such as "Fine", "Good thanks, you?", "Alright", "Been better", "Just peachy" or something like "Well, since you asked let me tell you about this thing that's bothering me for awhile now..", but he seriously wasn't expecting _this._ Louis slowly turns his face towards him and Niall has never felt so _judged_ before, not even by his father every time he didn't pass a test with the best possible result. Zayn, on the other hand, doesn't even look at him, he clenches his fists and his jaw and his eyes stay locked on Harry. 

He doesn't know what's up with them so he tries to lighten the mood joking a bit: "Well, don't be too excited to see me guys..." When he sees that not even his lame attempt to ease the tension gets a reaction out of the two, he begins taking steps backwards, "Uhm, I'll be in the kitchen making me something to eat, if you guys want any just tell me okay?..So yeah...I'll go...now.." The last words are muttered under his breath before he actually _sprints_ to the kitchen, hiding himself from all that hate. He feels guilty and he doesn't even know what he has done, but by his friends' actions, he guesses it's something pretty bad. He also has a nagging feeling in his stomach that it's something concerning Harry. Harry who never sleeps before Niall gets home, especially if Zayn and Louis are around. 

Just as he opens the fridge to see what's there to eat he hears some rustling in the living room and then there is mumbling, and whispered harsh words then silence, and loud steps are nearing the kitchen. 

"Listen you fucker!" Louis' voice comes from behind him. Harsh and cold. Icy. Niall grips the handle of the fridge tighter as all his body tenses up, because okay, maybe he did something wrong but what the fuck. Someone needs at least to explain it to him before he can say his opinion on the matter, and maybe justify himself. Or tell the other two to fuck themselves. 

He slams the door shut, turning around to shoot daggers at the blue eyed boy: "Why don't you and Zayn quit with that crap and actually tell me what the hell are you on about? Instead of calling me names and looking at me like I fucking murdered your family!" He scoffs, taking an apple from the fruit basket because he doesn't have the strength to cook something. Not even prepare a sandwich. 

"Oh, booh-ooh poor little Niall who gets called names, he is so innocent and flawless, I wonder what he has done." 

"What the fuck is your problem, Louis?" 

"My problem is _you._ With Harry." 

"Oh my God, why are you so obsessed with my friendship with Harry? Fuck Louis you are an adult now not a ten year-old kid anymore, I mean you should get over it. Can't you just accept that _I_ am his _best_ friend?" 

Louis actually looks around the room to see if there are hidden cameras somewhere, Niall can't be that _stupid_. When he finally realizes that maybe Niall indeed is that stupid he just has to laugh, literally cannot contain the hysterical laughter that escapes his lips. "Oh Jesus...you seriously...fuck Niall...you seriously think that? First of all, if I have to be honest, you don't know half the things about Harry as I do, so if I were you I would kindly shut the hell up. Second, my problem is the way you treat him, you selfish twat. My problem is that you put all your shit on his shoulders when he already has his that, believe me, is much worse than yours. And this has been going on since you met him. Really Niall you are a whiny baby. My problem is that you don't even see what he has been going through, you don't even _try,_ and I bet that the first thought you had when you saw him asleep was _disappointment_ because you didn't have dinner ready. You didn't think he had a panic attack did you? Well Niall think about it now because that pat you gave him on his head when you left the house earlier could have been the last if me and Zayn had stayed outside for, like, thirty more seconds." 

Niall has never seen Louis looking so angry. His hair is messy for all the time he yanked at it during his speech, his eyes are barely open, menacing, looking through Niall and daring him to say something back. His face is red, especially his cheeks and his temples and if they were in a different situation Niall would start to laugh because it seems like Louis got sunburn while wearing glasses. There is a defined vein poking out the skin of his neck and the same goes for the ones in his hands and arms, and he is trembling. Niall can see Louis' sweatshirt shaking uncontrollably as if it was trying to contain the boy. 

So maybe he should be worried about Louis punching him, should be worried about _Louis_ in general, he should be pained by his friends looking like this and he should be even more pained because _he_ is the cause of his friend's anger; and maybe he is feeling all of this inside him, but the guilt, the panic and every other thing are numbed from what Louis just said about _Harry._ About losing Harry actually. 

A shiver runs from his neck all the way down to his back and his body actually shakes with the strength of it. He can't think, doesn't want, can't even conceive Harry not being there. Harry leaving this world. Harry dying. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. That is a sentence that can't be said, not even thought of. He wants to run to the living room, wake Harry up, and hold him in his arms until his body goes numb, he _needs_ to see Harry's green orbs _sparkling with life._ He needs to hear his voice and to see him stumble over nothing so he can catch him and tell him he is fine. 

"What....what happened..is he okay now?" It's funny how he is not hungry anymore when minutes before he felt like he was starving. The apple long forgotten on the counter, attacked only by three bites. 

"Please don't act like you care." Louis knows Niall actually cares if Harry is dying or not, but he wants to picture him as the monster that ruined their lives right now. 

"Stop saying bullshit." That's all Niall has to say before Louis goes off again. 

"Me?! Saying bullshit! If you care _that_ much, why didn't you tell him you are going to move out in five days?!" Louis screams at the top of his lungs, grabbing the apple and throwing it at Niall hitting him in the chest. 

Niall clutches his chest, hurt both physically and emotionally and he is at a loss for words. Louis must sense it because he then, says brokenly "And you know what is the thing that breaks me? Not the fact that you treat him like shit, but the fact that he keeps coming back to you, the fact that he doesn't realize he deserves so much better that you. Because you are the first who takes him for granted Niall." A single tear escapes each one of Louis' blue eyes and Niall feels like crying himself because seeing Louis cry is as illegal as seeing Harry cry. 

He leans his body on the counter, trying to take Louis' hand in his but before any of them can do or say anything about it there's a light knock on the door and Zayn's figure appears looking sad, so _sad_ that it pains even the walls of the house. 

"He is awake." 

\- 

Niall can't fall asleep. He can practically hear the noise his neurons are making when he thinks, and all his thoughts are related to the boy that is currently lying in his arms, breathing softly. It took him hours to convince Harry to just sleep with him, the boy seemed very troubled by the offer and Niall is afraid of whatever Louis told his friend earlier in the afternoon. The look on Harry's face when Niall nearly forced him to lie down with him was one of pure discomfort, he looked like he was about to cry, his eyes held so much pain that Niall wanted nothing more than take all the sorrow away from his friend and just hold him until he was feeling better, no matter if it took him an hour or a year. 

And Niall is indeed holding him, but for a completely different reason: images of Harry being at the hospital -or worse- has been haunting him since Louis told him what happened and he knew that he had to have Harry close if he wanted to catch some sleep. Although, it doesn't seem to be enough because he is just _too_ worried. As if on instinct his left arm tightens around Harry's waist and his right hand starts caressing the green eyed boy's jaw and curls; he needs to feel Harry close, he needs to hear him breathing and feel the heat radiating off of his body directly on his skin. 

When Harry lied down on Niall's bed, he positioned himself the furthest away from Niall, turning his back to him, and every time the blond moved to try to get closer to him, or to touch him, he saw Harry's figure freeze. So he had to wait. Wait until the troubled boy fell asleep before he could literally scoop up his body and cradle him into his arms, and if tomorrow Harry wakes up panicking Niall will be there to calm him and try to understand what happened. He can't let him go. Oh. This is so funny, he says he can't let Harry go when he is the one who is moving out of here. 

Harry whines in his sleep, shifting his body against Niall's and the Irish boy realizes that maybe his left hand has been gripping Harry's hip a bit too tightly. He looks down and, for the first time in what seems like ages, he takes a moment to just _observe_ the curly haired boy. Okay, the angle is not the best, but Niall takes what he can get. Half of Harry's face is pressed against his chest, and if Niall concentrates enough he can feel where Harry's plump lips are touching the skin just above his stomach; Harry's long -too long if you ask Niall, but he could kill his best friend if he only tried to trim them- curls are covering his whole face so Niall pushes them back and he feels them tickling his skin when they land on his chest, and well. The view is rather spectacular. 

Harry's face is pale, and there are bags under his eyes caused by the recent events but the way he looks is so _gentle_ and _delicate_ that Niall can't help the sigh that escapes his lips. His eyes are entranced by the way Harry's hair curls around his ear, it reminds him of chocolate and caramel and autumn days spent giggling in the piles of leaves behind Harry's house when they were younger. His eyes then travel up towards Harry's cheek and Niall takes in the boy's nose -which Harry always hated stating it was strange- and his long eyelashes. And then, finally, Niall's blue eyes fix on Harry's pouting lips and on the way they are barely open on the left since the right part of his face is pressed against the blond's chest. 

Niall doesn't know why but he wished Harry would have gone to bed without his jumper on, so he could gaze at the expanse of his back, but Harry seemed really self-conscious about taking off the piece of clothing so Niall didn't question him even though he knows that in Harry's opinion the most comfortable pyjamas it's his birthday suit. 

Niall realizes only now that his right hand has been following his eyes throughout his gazing-at-Harry moment. First playing with the boy's curls, so soft, twirling them around his fingers, tugging ever so gently at a strand and then releasing it, watching it bounce back to its original place. Then, with his index finger he started caressing the boy's left cheek going up to his nose and tracing the bridge of it, slowly and delicate. Then he traced his finger over Harry's eyelashes, tickled by the soft touch against his fingertip. When, at the end, his eyes lands on Harry's lips he stops for a moment, debating with himself and asking what the hell is he doing because he never had the urge to know how Harry's lips would _feel_ under his touch. But then, his needs overpower his reason and he finds himself cupping Harry's jaw with his hand and tracing that pouting, _pink_ , bottom lip with his thumb. 

Harry's bottom lip moves along with Niall's thumb, and Niall can feel the hot breath coming out of his friend's mouth. The curly haired boy's lips are slightly chapped but they are so, so _plump_ that Niall wold like to know how would it be to sink his teeth in it. And before he can stop his mind he wonders how Harry would look, arching his back while Niall simultaneously bit the boy's lip and travelled a hand down his back, stopping it where the curve of his bum begins. If only Harry had taken off his jumper. 

_Woah._ When he realizes what he has been thinking about, he breathes out as if he just received a punch in the stomach and he suddenly feels trapped under Harry's body. Now the feeling of Harry's body touching his skin is not warm and comfortable anymore, but it seems like it's setting Niall on fire and he wants -he _needs-_ to escape that fire before it is too late, because he doesn't want to think about Harry that way, he can't _allow_ himself to do that. 

He lays his arms on his sides, _scared_ of touching Harry -of what he would think if he kept holding him- and he fists the cool sheets, closing his eyes and trying to concentrate on the way he breathes in through his nose, and then out through his mouth. Trying not to let his senses be intoxicated by the green eyed boy above him. Trying to bring to his mind Barbara's face and their new house. 

He knows he won't fall asleep tonight. 

\- 

"Uhm, I-I'm sorry if you expected something else...I..I thought it would be nice? I just...well happy birthday Niall." Harry sighs looking at his feet and the way he is shifting his weight on his heels, curling his toes. He does that when he doesn't want to be in a specific place, and right now he doesn't want to be in his and Niall's living room looking at his best friend judging his present. It's been five minutes since Niall opened Harry's gifts and since then he has been looking back and forth between the green eyed boy and the presents with an unreadable expression. 

Harry really doesn't know how to interpret the blond's behavior. He is also _really_ disappointed with his reaction because he thought Niall would go crazy over his presents, it took Harry months to get them the way he wanted and he had to restrain himself -for two whole months- from just giving them to Niall because he couldn't wait to see the blissed out expression on his best friend's face. At least he _thought_ Niall would be extremely happy, but now Harry is starting to rethink his beliefs. 

But Niall is still silent and Harry is worried. Ever since he almost died four days ago Niall has been acting strange. He barely talks and he is unusually distant but sometimes he just has these urges where he needs to feel Harry close to him, and the poor younger boy doesn't know what to do anymore. Knowing that the person you love is keeping secrets from you and seeing them being distant it's too painful, and the thing that makes the situation three times worse is that Niall never acted this way towards him. Harry has always been the one to know everything first, Niall always trusted him with his deepest secrets so Harry feels lost and like he is _not enough._ Niall finally realized that he could do better than that. And. Louis is not responding any of his calls. 

So Harry thought that today would be the day where everything could fall right back into place. At the party he could talk to Louis and with his presents he could regain Niall's trust. But well. If he knew this was going to be Niall's reaction he sure wouldn't have given him the gift before the party when they were still at home, getting ready and waiting for Barbara. 

Harry is startled out of his thoughts when he hears the clatter of one of his gifts hitting the floor because Niall opened his hands, not holding them anymore. And just as Harry is about to protest that _hey, even if you don't like them you don't have to throw them away in front of me,_ he feels a hand making a fist of the front of his sweater and he is yanked forward, his chest hitting another chest before one arm sneaks around his waist and the other hand settles in his curls. Warm breath and lips against his forehead. 

He feels a bit lightheaded. Must be the sudden movement. 

"Thank you" The blond's breathes out and Harry is acutely aware of the way Niall's lips purse against his forehead as he says _you._ The curly haired lad presses his nose against Niall's clothed shoulder and when he feels the Irish boy tightening his grip around his waist he can't help but let himself melt in the warm embrace, leaning all of his weight against Niall's chest. And Niall just grips his hip and his curls harder and Harry feels like he might cry. _What is happening to Niall?_

After two minutes of being held by his friend Harry can't help but voice his concern. "Niall. Niall, is everything okay?" He cradles Niall's face in his hands, holding him so gently that the blond can barely feel the touch, like he might break any second, and really. Niall's heart breaks seeing his best friend caring _so much._

Harry's heart, on the other hand, breaks for thousands different reasons. It pains him to no end seeing Niall so troubled, he wishes he could take all his worries away, he doesn't want Niall to be sad. Then he wishes Niall would tell him _what_ is troubling him because Harry feels so useless not being able to do anything, and he feels left out of his best friend's life. He wishes he could let Niall hug him like that every second of every day without worrying about his heart bursting out of his chest or about saying something stupid that he is going to regret. Last, he wishes that that _bad_ feeling in his stomach would go away. 

That's why he is holding Niall so gently. He wants Niall to be able to tell him everything that is bothering him, he wants Niall to understand that Harry will always be by his side no matter what. He wants Niall to feel taken care of when he is with him. He wants Niall to kiss him senseless right now. 

"I...It's...It's nothing..I just...you're too good for me Harry." Niall's eyes never leave Harry's while he raises his hands to cover Harry's ones with his own, lowering them. He then brings a hand up to Harry's face to stroke his thumb along the green eyed boy left cheek, pretending he doesn't notice the way his skin heats up under his touch. 

"What?" Harry sighs out. Can't find the strength to properly talk when Niall is this close to him. 

"I don't deserve any of this Harry. You're too good to be wasting your time -and money- over someone like me" The blond lets his hand fall down by his side and now Harry never felt so much distance between them. 

He looks at him confused, brows furrowed and mouth wide open. It seems like the start of a bad break-up, and since they are not together Harry is afraid that Niall is going to end their friendship. Something like that at least. He starts to gesticulate "I...No Niall...what?...I, you aren't..I'm not..." He stops when he feels his whole body trembling. Is this what has been bothering Niall all along? How can Harry convince him that Niall deserves everything Harry gives him and more? How can he say Niall always manages to put a smile on his face just by looking at him? How can he assure Niall that nobody makes him feel hot and giddy just by a simple and touch, like he does? How can he explain to Niall that he is the sun, the moon and all of the stars in Harry's universe? How can he say all of this without Niall suspecting anything about Harry's feeling for him? 

"Niall. No. You are..." _Amazing, wonderful, handsome, brilliant, hot, flawless. Worth it._ "...What makes you think you don't deserve this? Niall you're my _best_ friend, of course I am not wasting my time!" He has a feeling they aren't talking about the presents anymore but he can't think of anything else related to this...unless...unless Niall found out about his feeling. That would explain everything that happened in the last four days. Harry curses the fact that they are still standing in the middle of the living room. 

Niall looks close to tears. He takes a step forward, just a few inches between their bodies but they never touch. "Harry you're special." And Harry is begging the Lord and all the saints above that he could have a heart attack right now so he doesn't hear the end of this sentence. "And please promise me you'll never change." _Okay._ This is _not_ how he thought it was going to end. 

_What?_ "Uhm...I'm not sure I am following you here, Niall." 

And at this Niall laughs. But it's a broken laugh and Harry feels paralyzed. "See? You are just so.. _ugh._ You are so special and amazing and lovable and please Harry do not change. You are the best person I have ever met, you are always so nice and generous and _unique_ and you are too good for this world you know? Nobody here deserves you. But please promise me you are never going to change, promise me you will always stay true to your words and beliefs and that you will always be this caring with anyone. Please do not change, not even if people are going to break you, not even if _I_ am going to break you." During his speech Niall kept coming closer to Harry and now their breaths are mingling together, but Harry feels like his feet have become part of the floor. The thing that's causing him to struggle with breathing is that Niall is actually crying, a single tear rolling down his left cheek, and both of his fists are at his sides, making the muscles under his white dress shirt bulge out. 

They are staring at each other, blue and green, both shiny and both for the wrong reasons. Harry can't describe what's happening inside him, his mind going on overdrive trying to decipher Niall's words and his body fighting the urge to faint once again. But there's a knock on the door and Harry has no time to think because Niall is closing himself inside the bathroom and Barbara is closing the door behind her. 

Harry thinks that they are both a sight. Him, in the middle of his living room with his face twisted in an upset frown, the presents he gave Niall at his feet and the paper that once was hiding them all over the couch. Barbara, on the other hand, is stunning. Short black dress, accessorized with purple high heels, earrings and bracelets. Her hair wavy, and framing her face perfectly while the dark make-up around her eyes matches her outfit and brings out the color of her irises. Harry feels like his life is punching him repeatedly in his stomach. He hopes someone up there is finding it fun, at least. 

"Hi dear, how are you?" She asks smiling, walking straight to him to engulf him in a hug. And how could he even try to hate her if she is so perfect in everything she does? It's not her fault if the idiot fell in love with her boyfriend. 

He puts on his best fake smile. "Everything's fine, thanks. How about you? Please sit down, do you want anything to drink?" He gestures towards the couch and then the kitchen. 

"Oh no! I am so excited I can't even stay still!" She exclaim chuckling. 

"Big party uh?" He asks smiling. "Oh, by the way, Niall is in the bathroom, he will be ready any minute now." It's kind of awkward for him to stand there, talking to her. Why can't Niall be here for his girlfriend? 

"Nah, I don't care about the party" she chuckles again making Harry frown slightly, "I am so excited about the new house. Moreover, I know that Niall is worried about your opinion so please, between me and you, tell him it's perfect." She winks. 

Harry's frown deepens. "Uhm?" 

She doesn't seem to hear him, though. "Must be hard for you, living alone in this flat after years of sharing it with Niall." She mumbles frowning a bit. "But don't worry, we will visit so often you won't even realize that he is gone!" She finishes, a smile coming back to her face. 

Harry feels like the room is spinning a little too fast now. "So, you and Niall..." 

"We are going to live together starting from today! -Niall, love, are you ready?" She yells. 

"Almost done babe!" It's Niall instant reply. 

"Harry what are you doing?" 

Harry turns around, a hand holding the handle of the door, to see Barbara looking at him like he is going out of his mind. And maybe he is. He _hopes_ he is. "Uhm...I...Louis called me?" He says, and it sounds more like a question than a statement. But he doesn't care. Doesn't even wait for a reply before he is closing the door behind him and he is sprinting down the sidewalk. He is not wearing his shoes, not even his coat. He doesn't know where he is going but he can't be bothered by this right now. He just needs to run. 

Only ten minutes later, he allows himself to stop against a lamppost and think about what to do. He puts his hand in his trousers' right front pocket to fish out his phone when the distinct picture of the device laying on his armchair flashes in his mind. He feels his eyes burning and a lump blocking his throat but he mentally forbids himself to cry. First of all he must find a place to go because it surely is way past seven and the sun is not in the sky anymore. 

\- 

It's almost 11 pm and the party is in full swing. There's a pile of presents wrapped in colorful papers in his _new_ shared bedroom, everybody already complimented him and Barbara for their new house 'Oh my God it's absolutely perfect! Congratulations!' and his girlfriend is radiant thanks to this, always smiling at the compliments and then beaming at Niall, looking at him with eyes filled with adoration. Everybody wished him a happy birthday -even Louis, although his wishes were forced out of his mouth by Eleanor repeatedly elbowing him and looking apologetically at Niall-, the food is spectacular, the alcohol is even better and the music is just right. Everybody is having a good time, praising him and Barbara for the organization, but every time he tries to smile and have fun, something uncomfortable settles down in his stomach, the feeling growing heavier and heavier. 

Something -someone- rather fundamental is missing. Long chocolate curls are missing; sparkling green eyes are missing; full pink lips stretched in a wide smile are missing; dimples are missing. Stupid meaningless tattoos, horrible printed shirts, ridiculous skinny jeans and worn out boots are missing. 

_My problem is the way you treat him you selfish twat. You are the first who takes him for granted._ Louis' words flashes through his brain and he has to lean against the wall for a moment because they hit him hard, right in the middle of his chest. And Niall realizes only now that Louis was right. He has always been to self-conceited to really try and understand Harry. He remembers that time, a few months ago, when he couldn't help but stay mad at the green eyed boy for over a week because he had hosted Bruno Mars on air during his programme and he didn't bring anything home to Niall. And now he thinks at the gifts he has left on his _old_ bed. An autographed CD by Bruno Mars and two tickets for his upcoming tour that, apparently, was already sold out. And a Rams t-shirt autographed by all the team's players and a ticket to spend one day training with them. 

He is a horrible person, really. Louis was right about everything. Harry deserves so much better than him, Harry deserves someone like Louis to be his best friend, not a pathetic excuse at being one like Niall is. And he indeed has always taken him for granted. In fact, he expected Harry to attend this party even after he found out that Niall was moving out. He always thought that Harry was going to be by his side no matter how bad Niall treated him. And the feeling of dread and emptiness and _guilt_ that settled in his chest as soon as he had stepped out of the bathroom and had seen that Harry was gone, amplifies, leaving him breathless with a burning throat and stinging eyes. 

His agony is interrupted for a moment when Liam's worried face enters his vision, along with Sophia's panicked look. He is ready to tell them that he is fine, assuming that they came over to ask him why there is a deep frown on his face, but then he notices that they have their coats on, and he knows that they aren't worried about him at all. _Selfish twat._

"What happened? Why are you already leaving?" He wanted to joke, say something like "already tired of the people?" Or "you wanna take the party somewhere else?", but their expressions give away that it's not time to have a laugh. 

"Louis and Zayn already left, taking Perrie and Eleanor with them. They wanted to say bye but they didn't manage to find you and Lou and Z practically dragged them out of here. Soph and I are going too but I wanted to know if you could come with us? I know, maybe it's not the best idea ever..but yeah. So are you coming?" Liam is looking at him both hopefully and judging, as if he expects a specific answer from the Irish lad. 

"Where? Liam what the hell happened?" He tries to control his panic. 

The brown eyed boy looks at him confused. "Uhm..didn't Nick call you?" And while Niall asks what the fuck does Nick have to do with this Liam mumbles "Oh yeah of course he didn't." Leaving Niall to look at him with an unimpressed face. 

"Basically, all I know is that Harry is at the hospital and Nick just took him there. He called us to let us know and we decided to leave sorry.. So are you coming or not?" Liam is getting impatient. 

And Niall thinks that it's not fair that in less than a week he had to hear the words Harry and hospital -kind of- in the same sentence. Panic and agony floods through his veins, and he feels trapped. He needs to get out. He needs to see Harry. "Yeah, let me grab my jacket." He says already walking away. 

He is about to walk towards the door where Liam and Sophia are waiting for him, when a hand grabs his forearm, stopping him. "Where do you think you're going?" 

"Sorry babe, Harry is in the hospital. I need to go." He says trying to put as much distance as he can between Barbara and himself. 

"Yes I know, but you can't leave the party." She says. _Duh._

"What you knew? What the fuck? Why didn't you tell me?" 

"Because then you would have done what you are trying to do right now. Leave." 

"He is my best friend!" 

"And I am your girlfriend. This night is to celebrate the beginning of our life together and you can't just leave." She is looking at him with determination in her eyes, not accepting a 'No' as an answer. Niall sighs, hunching his shoulders and looking at Liam and Sophia, slowly shaking his head. Sophia looks surprised while Liam's face turns cold. Usually warm brown eyes, now almost dark and glaring at him. 

Barbara on the other hand is looking smug, very proud of herself, and Niall would scream at her if he could. He takes off his jacket, following Barbara inside the living room against his will. He can hear Louis' snort all the way from the hospital. _And you know what is the thing that breaks me? Not the fact that you treat him like shit, but the fact that he keeps coming back to you, the fact that he doesn't realize he deserves so much better than you._

Niall doesn't think Harry will come back after this time, though. 

Gosh he has to throw up. _Selfish twat._

\- 

"Yes?" Nick's voice comes through the intercom. Harry has his forehead against Nick's flat's door too tired to stand up straight. He is badly shivering, had to try five times before ringing Nick's door because his finger kept slipping against the button before he could manage to find the strength to push it. His socks are wet and, after two hours of walking, there are more holes than cotton, he can't feel his feet and his hands. His head keeps spinning and his knees keep buckling, too weak to sustain his weight, his stomach hurts and he feels like his lower back his throbbing, a dull, constant pain, and he feels like stretching his back every few minutes or else he is going to vomit. His throat is the worst. It burns. He feels like someone has lit a fire down his trachea and every time he tries to gulp, that fire changes into millions of spikes and for a moment he can't even think of breathing, too painful to get oxygen inside his lungs. 

He hears Nick clearing his throat. "Hello? Is there someone at the door?" Only at his third attempt, a sound comes out of his mouth and it resembles a whimper more than an actual word. He also doesn't want to cry. 

At the sixth attempt he manages to speak. "Harry." He wanted to say more, he wanted to apologize for bothering him at nine in the evening, that he didn't have anywhere else to go he wanted to tell him not to worry and that he is fine but _how do you speak, again? Has he ever been able to do that? Speak? What is it?_ For a long, frightening, moment he is afraid that Nick hasn't heard him and he has to speak again but, to his relief, he hears Nick's step towards the door and his friend's voice accompanying them. "Harry? Shouldn't you be-" The curly haired boy didn't manage to take his head off of Nick's front door in time, so when the the boy opens it he falls and crashes against him, thanking Jesus that Nick was ready to catch him. When Nick puts his hands on Harry's shoulders to steady him and take a better look at his friend, Harry stumbles back, and he already feels a lump forming in his throat and tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. He has restrained himself for the past two hours but he knows that with one look at his friend's eyes he would start to cry. 

It's always been like that since he was little, really. Something bothered him and, if he was alone, he was able to control himself, but a touch, or a kind word, or even a look from somebody else and he would start to cry like a baby. Literally. 

"Harry, what happened?" And in that moment, when green meets brown, a glorious loud sob escapes past Harry's lips and he falls on his knees hugging himself because the pain is too much to bear, the truth of it all, acknowledging that it really happened, that Niall, _Niall,_ really left him makes him feel like the world stopped moving the right way because his life has been turned upside down. Niall was one of the few constants in his life, the only light always by his side, Niall was comforting arms, kind words, encouraging squeezes, cheerful smiles, Niall was the only bright side of a bad day, Niall was the best way to end any other day really. And now, now that he doesn't have this, all of this, anymore, how is he supposed to go on? How is he supposed to wake up and go to bed and survive a day? _How?!_

He wants to scream, but he can't. He feels lifeless. And now Nick is sitting him down on the toilet, telling him to take off his clothes while he draws him a steamy bath because he is worried about him. Harry doesn't remember moving from Nick's doorway to his bathroom, but now that he is here he feels grateful for it. 

Once he is undressed, he can't even bring himself to feel self-conscious about his body in front of Nick -'it's not like we haven't seen each other naked before' Nick joked trying to light up the atmosphere- The older man takes his hand and helps him to sit down in the bath tub, since he is still shaking and crying. 

Nick starts to wash his hair, massaging his scalp in a way that usually makes Harry sleepy in less than a minute, but this night, after almost ten minutes, only manages to quiet down his sobs. This, and the fact that Harry didn't even try to cover the sound he was making, makes Nick feel on edge. For someone who doesn't know the green eyed boy, the more alarming fact would be that he wasn't wearing any shoes or jacket but to Nick those were explicable things, for example Harry could have been drunk when he went out. But unfortunately Harry is not drunk. Harry is crying and shaking and he is looking pale, and his ribs are more visible than the last time Nick saw him shirtless and without asking, he knows that there is only one person in this world that can reduce him to this. 

"Harry, please, can you tell me what happened? Please." 

"Niall...out...run away...I.." That's all Nick manages to understand and Harry manages to say through his sobs and his shaking body. He can't bring himself to say those words out loud, he feels like once said there's no going back, he can't tell himself that this is an awful misunderstanding, that he is wrong and he is just assuming things. 

"Can you repeat it, please?" Nick asks, concerned by the fact that Harry is still shaking, even if the water is still hot. 

"I..." He takes a deep breath. "Niall is moving out." And then he cries. He hides his face in his hands, hunching his shoulders and bending up his knees so that nobody can see him. He feels so ashamed, how is he supposed to look at the boys now? They all know his feelings for Niall, they all know what he went through and he doesn't want, he can't bear, their pitiful looks. He doesn't want their sympathy. And he feels like a fool for even believing that _maybe_ one day he and Niall could be together. How can he look at his friends now, knowing that inevitably they are going to take sides? Knowing that it's all his fault and his stupid feelings. Because this isn't Niall's fault. Niall has the right to go and live his life with Barbara, his _girlfriend_. Niall has every right to do it, and maybe he didn't tell Harry because he knew that then the green eyed boy would become this pathetic mess. 

Gosh, how could he be so stupid? Seriously. He is never going to have the same friendship with Niall, not even with the other boys, he really fucked up this time. 

And Nick probably thinks the same way because he doesn't say anything, just puts his hand on Harry's back, rubbing it up and down. At the physical contact Harry suddenly raises his head and looks straight into Nick's eyes, and the older boy feels breathless, feels like he is sharing Harry's pain. Harry is watching him with his big green eyes that are rounded by red circles. They are puffy and they hold such desperation that Nick can feel how Harry's heart is breaking, he can almost read his thoughts, how he is begging Nick to tell him that this is all a lie, that Niall won't ever abandon him like that. The dark wet curls framing his face, makes his skin look paler and suddenly Nick is too aware of the sound of Harry's teeth every time they collide against each other due to the violence his body is trembling with. 

"C'mon, you need to get dressed Haz. I brought you some sweats and a jumper, a pair of boxers and socks. Do you want me to help you getting dressed?" He asks while he helps Harry get out of the tub. And when his friend nods Nick has the confirmation that something is wrong with him. 

After Harry is dressed, Nick dries his hair and takes him to the couch in the living room, covering him with four blankets. They stay there for half an hour Harry quietly sniffing, and Nick doing nothing but holding him because every time he tries to talk Harry starts sobbing again. Since he hasn't stopped trembling, and Harry's been there for over an hour, almost two, Nick decides to take his temperature. The thing is, when he sees the numbers, Nick is the one who might start trembling. 

"Fuck Haz, you need to go to the hospital." And despite Harry's protests, saying that he is just fine, Nick carries him to his car, Harry too weak to stand up, and while he is driving he calls Louis, Zayn and Liam informing them of the current situation. He doesn't bother calling Niall. They never liked each other anyway. 

\- 

"Good morning lovely people! Today is a very special day because, after a _whole_ week we have our dearest Harry Styles back!" 

"Hiii! I am so glad to be back, it was pure torture staying in bed, really!" 

"Right. So, our listeners who, by the way, missed you very much" "Oh I missed them too!" "Well, they all kept asking me how you were, and where did you disappear, so do you mind explaining it to us?" 

"Oh well, nothing serious really" -Nick snorts- "I just had a fever because I went outside and I forgot to put my shoes on. Yeah, yeah I am an idiot, I am aware of it, thanks." 

"Well, since now we got the proof that our Harry here is not the most intelligent human being-Ow! What was that for? Be careful people that behind those dimples there is a violent man- Anyway, I was trying to introduce our topic for today. So, today we are talking about lies, and the question we want you to reply is _what do you usually do, when you discover that someone lied to you?_ " 

It's Harry's turn to snort. "Interesting, I wonder who gave you the idea." 

"Who knows. Well let's start with you Harry. What do you do?" 

"Uhm, well, it depends on who lies to me." 

"Let's say is someone who you have always trusted." 

"Oh, well for example when I discovered that my mum lied about Santa Claus I didn't talk to her for a whole week." 

"So you give the silent treatment. Do you want to give a piece of advice to everyone who is listening right now?" 

"No sorry, I am not the one who should be advising someone because last time someone lied to me I ran away. So yeah, I am here to listen to _your_ suggestion! But what about you Nick?" 

Niall doesn't bother listening to Nick's reply. He press the _on/off_ button so hard that he thinks he is going to break it. And he is lucky he is in his office and can't throw a fit in front of his colleagues -his dad would have him fired in a heartbeat-, otherwise he would have thrown the radio out of the window cursing the name of Nicholas bloody Grimshaw. 

Niall always hated people who didn't mind their own business, who always preferred to snoop around other people's life instead of their own, and he never liked Nick from the start. So the first time he sees him he is going to give him something that will remind him to stay the fuck away from Harry. Maybe a black eye. And gosh, Niall is so fed up of people getting in the way between him and his curly haired friend. Because okay. Niall is an idiot from different point of views. And he is a coward. But he has the right to apologize to his friend, his friend that he hasn't seen since he flew out of their -well now it's only Harry's- house. 

When Harry was at the hospital -for three days- Niall tried in every possible way to get in his room and talk to him, but there were either Louis or Zayn -or both- who started _growling_ whenever he showed up. He didn't even manage to get a glimpse of Harry, and it seems that even Harry didn't want to talk to him and Niall doesn't know what to feel now that he heard his voice on the radio and had the confirmation that Harry is avoiding him. At first he was worried sick about his friend's health since nobody cared to inform him. He was so mad when he went to the hospital on Tuesday and he discovered that Harry had been discharged the night before, at first he even thought that the nurse was making fun of him because he couldn't wrap his mind around the idea that not even his best friend told him he was going home. He thought he made it clear to Harry that he was -still is- one of the most important person in Niall's life. Then again, Niall has a strange way to demonstrate it. 

But after hearing Harry confirming Niall's biggest fear on a national program, Niall thinks there is no hope for their friendship anymore. And only the thought makes him go weak at the knees -in a very bad way- and he feels like hitting himself repeatedly with the iron nameplate on his desk that shows off how good of a lawyer he is. If only he could be this good as a friend. And the thing is that only now he is aware of how big of an _hypocrite_ he was. Always telling Harry that he deserves the best; always being jealous of every boy around Harry because he thought they were going to hurt his precious friend; always thinking so highly of himself, convinced that he was way better than Louis. _Selfish twat._

He wants to scream, he wants to scream so loud that the walls are going to shake and his father is going to disown him. And the fact the he has in his hands one of the biggest cases in history isn't helping the situation. His best friend hates him, his girlfriend keeps pestering him with questions about the new house and rearranging his free time, and he has to start working on a case that will make him or brake him. Basically one of the most important pharmaceutical companies all over the world which has its seat in England, has been accused and denounced by over two hundred people who affirmed that the medications they took caused them to have cancer. 

Niall already hates this case. His grandmother died because of lung cancer three years ago, and now he has to defend a pharmaceutical company that causes people to have a tumor? But his father gave this case to him because he knows Niall is the best and this case will make them earn a whole fucking lot of money. 

It's not the first time that something like this happens, but he knows he could always count on Harry when he got home. He would explain everything to his curly haired friend and Harry would hear him out. Then he would look at him with those big, green, innocent eyes and tell him that he is not a monster, that many times he saved innocent people from getting in prison and that is why he loves his job. He would smile at him, telling him to think about what pushed him to be a lawyer and then he would go to the kitchen to take a box of Ben and Jerry's out of the fridge and they would watch "A Time to Kill". A movie that Niall always loved, even if he didn't tell anyone because to him it was something _private,_ and that Harry just noticed during the years of their friendship like the amazing boy he is. (Though, in the last four years -when Harry became completely comfortable with his sexuality- Niall doesn't like this movie very much because Harry keeps commenting on how hot Matthew McConaughey is and how he would let him shag him. How can you even consider someone who has an unpronounceable surname?) 

But now he doesn't have Harry and Ben and Jerry's ice cream because Barbara is too busy following her diet, and asking Niall what color should the carpet in the bathroom be. 

He opens the file and sighs rubbing his eyebrows with his thumb and forefinger (a habit he got from his grandfather). _This is karma._ He thinks before starting to read what will occupy his mind for at least a month. 

\- 

"Harry it's been a month." Louis says through gritted teeth. And if Harry was looking at him, he would see the not-so-healthy red colour painted on his friend's cheek. But the green eyed boy is purposely avoiding Zayn and Louis sitting on the couch on his left, as he keeps scrolling through his Twitter timeline. 

"Yeah so?" He says nonchalantly. 

"So it's fucking time you fucking get a fucking grip on yourself." If he heard Louis growling at him like this before the Niall-mess he would have probably been scared because Louis never growls unless he wants to punch you, but now, a month after the incident and Harry is numb to every kind of emotion. He doesn't laugh, he doesn't smile but he doesn't even cry or feel sad. A human only has so many tears to shed and Harry thinks that having the fatale confirmation that the love of your life doesn't love you back, and that you have spent the last twelve years of your life being completely smitten with him and making him the centre of your world just to have him reject you, makes you run out of water to pour down your cheeks. 

"It's fine." He shrugs and before he has time to sense any movement on his left, he feels his phone being ripped away from his grip. Now that he can't distract himself with his phone he can't help but look up and see Louis towering over him. Zayn doesn't seem to mind Louis' behaviour. 

"Can you please be true to yourself for once in your fucking life Harry? You have lost ten pounds in less than four weeks, you barely talk to anyone, your mother keeps calling me and Zayn and Liam to know if you are still alive. She is worried you are going to fucking kill yourself do you understand how we feel? Stop being a victim and let us help you for fuck's sake! You keep having panic attacks, you only eat if we force you to. You only go out to go to work or to go buy groceries. I don't even remember the last time I saw you smile. 

I can only imagine how much you are hurting but please, for your own good try to patch things up with Niall. We can't stand to see you like this anymore, and, as much as I hate to admit it Niall needs an explanation. He calls me at least four times a week to know how you're doing and I always have to tell him that it's not up to me to answer that question and you should hear his voice every fucking time I tell him so. He is broken Harry. Maybe not like you are but he lost his best friend too. He needs you and you need him, and I think at the end he didn't do anything this bad. I came to realize that it was his right moving out and starting his life with his girlfriend, Haz. And as much as it pains to see the way you are looking at me right now I think you have to accept that." 

Saying that Louis was worried about telling this to Harry is an understatement. When he had this talk with Zayn and Liam a few days ago the first thing he thought was that Harry would be furious. Hell! He was furious too when he heard Liam saying that maybe Niall wasn't so wrong, but then he realized that Niall didn't know about Harry's feelings and okay, he could have said that to him sooner but now Louis feels like shit for the way he treated his blond friend over the last month. 

When Liam and Zayn told him that he would be the one telling Harry to man up and talk to Niall he wanted to tell them to fuck off (even if a part of him felt oddly proud and important because they know that Harry usually listens to him) because he didn't want to be the one that caused Harry to start crying again. Nor did he want to be the one to receive the first slap by Harry Styles in the human history. Surely he didn't think that Harry's reaction would make him feel like torturing himself for the rest of his living days for causing it. 

"Can you leave me alone, please?" Never in a million years Louis would have thought he would hear Harry asking -pleading- to be left alone. Harry hates loneliness with a passion. Even when they argued Harry preferred staying in the room with Louis instead of being alone. Once he tried to explain the reason why he felt so _bad_ about being alone but not even two minutes into his speech and he was having a mild panic attack. 

"Please, just. I am sorry, but can you leave? I'm sorry..." Out of instinct, Louis puts his right hand on Harry's left cheek and then Harry is looking at him with his big sad eyes and Louis wants to scream and pleads Harry not to ask him that. Anything but that. He knows he will forever feel guilty about this; the look on Harry's face will never leave his mind. Not now, not ever. 

He suddenly wants to slap Zayn and tell him that he is stupid and that Louis _told him_ that Harry wasn't going to react in the best of ways; he turns around ready to glare at Zayn but then he sees that his raven haired friend look as distraught as Louis feels and so he just pleads for help. 

"Harry please, we didn't mean to upset you please. You know you don't want to be alone, it's not good for you. Gosh Harry, you even bought a cat!" Louis says gesturing to the little white and red fur that comes out under the cover on Harry's lap. He then kneels down and puts his hands on Harry's knees. "Please. Don't ask us to leave, we are here to help you. Please Harry." 

"No...I...I need to be alone..I need to do something." 

"And please, tell me. How do you think we feel about leaving you alone?" Zayn talks for the first time in what seems like ages. He sounds angry and frustrated but most of all, he sounds _tired._ "Do you remember what happened the last time we left you alone, which, by the way, was not even two weeks ago? Because if you don't, let me refresh your memory. You told us you'd be fine on your own. You promised that you would eat something and that you would have called before going to bed. Thank God Louis forgot his phone here because not even twenty minutes later we were right here thinking that we would find you eating dinner but no. No Harry! We found you on the bathroom floor in a pool of your own vomit. You were barely breathing anymore! Do you have a fucking clue how we felt? You still refuse to tell us what happened but do you have any idea of what you put us through? What you keep putting us through?! Do you even care?! We understand that you are broken but" 

"Stop! What the hell is wrong with you can't you see him!?" It's like Louis' voice woke Zayn up. He opens his mouth and widens his eyes as if he didn't mean to say what he just told Harry. And it's true. He just wanted to make it clear to Harry that they weren't going to leave him another time. That they weren't going to repeat that mistake. He didn't mean to make his friend feel so poorly. He doesn't blame Harry, he can't blame Harry for the way he is, because if it weren't for him, their group probably wouldn't exist. They would have split up at the beginning of high school. 

Zayn brings into focus the scene in front of him and he notices that now Louis is sitting on the armchair and has Harry in his arms. The curly haired boy is looking at him with guilt and fear in his eyes and it's so devastating looking at them. Harry has always been an open book to everyone he meets and it's so difficult looking at him when he shows such sad emotions. You can't help but feel like shit. 

On the floor there's also a wide awake kitten who is glaring at Louis for waking him up. 

The next thing that he notices is that the floor is hard under his ass and that he has a mop of curly hair in his face. "I am so sorry Zayn! Please don't be mad at me! Please forgive me! I know I can be a burden most of the time but please don't be angry! I would be literally dead if it wasn't for your help and your attentions so please, bear with me. I am sorry!" 

"Harry it's okay. I'm sorry too, I overreacted." He says softly. A hand of his gently rubs Harry's back up and down while the other is supporting their weight against the floor. 

"I need to do something." Harry says, detaching himself from Zayn and sitting on the floor next to him. Sebastian, immediately finding his way between his owner's legs. "I need to call Niall." 

The air in the room changes. "Are you sure it's a good idea?" "Harry I don't think you're ready." 

"I know I am not ready, but I have been an idiot. It's not his fault. I am not ready to see him, or to properly talk to him, but I just need to let him know that I don't blame him. And that I wish him all the best and that I am sorry for not going to his party. I missed so much on his life in this month! The only things I know is what you guys tell me. And sometimes I still talk to Maura but I think she knows what's going on because she tends to avoid everything that concerns Niall. 

I can't keep doing this to him guys. He needs to be happy." 

"See? I already want to punch you." 

"W-what?" Harry doesn't know what he keeps doing that's upsetting his friends so much. He thought this was the right thing to do. He still thinks so to be honest. 

"You always worry about him. Always. You have any idea of how many times I heard you saying _he needs to be happy_? And you? What about you Harry?" 

"Well I surely can't be happy if I know I am the one bringing him down! I just need to do this. Then if it kills me you can tell me _I told you so._ We all know you love it Lou." He tries to joke. 

"If that's what you want we're okay with it. Just know that we are going to be here throughout the call." Zayn says squeezing his hand. And for the first time in more than a month Harry looks at his two best friends with the hint of a smile on his face. 

\- 

"Niall, love! You missed a call while you were showering." 

"Yeah okay, thanks!" He calls back to Barbara while he runs to their bedroom with just a towel around his waist. It's cold and he has to be careful not to leave wet footprints on the floor: last time it happened Barbara lost it. Once in their bedroom he shuts the door and he begins to dry himself, his phone's screen is lighting up repeatedly to warn him that he missed a call but he couldn't care less right now. It's probably his father telling him that he has to focus on the case because in less then a week there will be the trial. 

He sighs, frustrated. He loves his job but it's a bit too much sometimes, especially when it doesn't leave him alone even when he wants to relax at home. He snorts. What home and what relax? He doesn't know if he is more stressed here or in his office. Barbara keeps flying to other places because of her job and when she is home they do anything but fight. _You can't expect me to do everything. Can you at least fold your clothes? Are you going to help me or what? I don't like the living room like this. We should redecorate our bedroom. When I am actually home you want to go out with your friends? What about me? I asked you to do one thing, ONE THING!_

He is so tired of this. He is so fucking tired, sometimes he feels like going to the pub and drowning his problems in alcohol, but he knows it's only going to make things worse. He just needs Harry. 

"Babe what do you want for dinner?" And this, to Niall, feels so wrong in too many ways. First of all he is standing naked in front of his girlfriend while she is wearing only an oversized t-shirt and her underwear but neither of them seems to notice that. Or. They notice it but just like the way someone looks out of the window and see that it isn't raining so they don't have to bring their umbrella with them. And it's sad, because Niall clearly remembers that the first months of their relationship it was all about the sexual tension between them. 

The last time they had sex was 23 days ago. She is tired. He is tired. When they have time they fight, and make up sex never really worked for Niall. He can have a bad temper; he is not violent by any means but when he gets angry he needs to be alone and cool off. 

The other thing that bothers Niall is that dinner isn't ready yet. When Barbara is away he does everything for himself but it would be nice if he already had something to eat after coming home from a long, stressing, day of work. Maybe he has been spoiled by Harry but he never had to worry about food when he lived with him. 

She sighs. Annoyed. "Niall can you answer me?" 

"Whatever, everything is fine." He grumbles, while putting on a pair of boxers. 

"Okay. Well hurry up so you can help me." She huffs. What a joy. 

"Yeah, let me just check who called." He says, already planning to spend more time than necessary over the phone. The idea of working, suddenly sounds more appealing than being in the kitchen with Barbara. 

"You can do that later." She says, taking Niall's phone with her before leaving the room. Niall is fuming. He hates it when someone uses, touches or even watches his things. Fuck. 

\- 

"Can I take my phone now?" 

"Sure, wouldn't dream to keep you away from work." Niall goes upstairs mumbling like an old grumpy man. 

When he finally reaches his -their- bedroom he throws himself on the bed after closing the door, and then he stays with his face buried in the pillows trying to suppress the urge to scream out in frustration. When he regains some control over his emotions, he turns around and he sits up on the bed, leaning his back against the wall. He closes his eyes and just breathes for a couple of minutes: he has to be formal and controlled if he wants to get his work done properly. He can't let his frustration ruin every single aspect of his life. 

Everything changes when he sees who called. _Haz._ Three simple letter that cause his breath to speed up. Suddenly he feels lightheaded; billions of questions are swirling around his mind while one word keeps being the centre of it all. _Haz._ Now his mind is full of green eyes and brown curly hair and dimpled smiles and cheeky grins and he has to clutch his chest because everything _hurts._ He is hit by a wave of loneliness he has never felt before. Not even when his parents divorced. Not even when his brother went to college. It's like he is realizing only now just how much he _needs_ Harry. He can't help but smile. A bitter smile, but nevertheless the first of this day: it's like Harry knows when Niall needs him. 

This unexpected epiphany leaves Niall in a state of fear and anxiety. What if Harry is telling him that he never wants to speak to him again? What if, all this time he expected Niall to apologize and now he is too tired of waiting? What if Harry is going to move out too? What if something big happened and Niall wasn't there for him and Harry just realized that Niall has always been a shitty friend? 

He doesn't want to listen to the message Harry left him, but he has to. He has to man up for once and do something for his curly haired friend. So he presses the right numbers with trembling hands and when the robotic voice finally shuts up, he puts the phone on speaker and lays it on his left thigh, waiting anxiously for Harry's sweet and raspy voice to fill his ears. 

" _Uhm, is it working?...yeah uh, I guess it is. Hey Niall, it's me, uhm, Harry. In case you forgot the sound of my voice, which is completely normal if you did. I mean, I didn't forget about yours but yeah...and in case you don't have my number anymore. Oh God it wasn't supposed to be this awkward._

_Anyway, I just wanted to call you and apologize for what happened, but you didn't reply so I am leaving you this message. First of all I just wanted to congratulate you on your current case because it's huge. I know that you probably hate it but I am sure you can tell Barbara to watch 'A Time to Kill'. I am not so sure about the Ben and Jerry's ice cream but yeah. You can't have everything right?_

_I miss you Niall. And I have been a shitty friend. I am not going to explain myself because I just can't right now but I want you to know that you have every right of detesting me. I should have been as supportive as a best friend should because I can imagine that you were scared of things changing so fast in your life. I think it was normal of me, feeling a bit hurt but I should have never reacted that way. You always told me I am a bit over dramatic sometimes. Maybe I should stop hanging out with Lou.' 'Hey!'_

_'I am sorry Lou...Oh yeah, sorry Niall I got distracted. I don't know of I am ready to see you again, or to talk to you. I don't want to see the hurt I have caused you in your eyes. I wouldn't be able to cope with that. I feel so bad for putting you through all of this. I was your best friend and I let you down. I was so selfish Niall! And I think I always have been, remember all the time that you wanted to have fun but instead you just hanged out with me because I was a whiny little kid? Gosh Niall I am so sorry and you deserved so much better! I think I was too used to having you around that now I know why you didn't want to tell me you were moving out until the last moment: I have always been too clingy! I am so sorry Niall, I just missed you so much! This month has been terrible without you and I miss our nights and everything we did together. I don't know when I'll find the courage to look at you again but I need to know that you still consider me as a friend._

_I am sorry..I just..this wasn't supposed to go like this but..I a, just, I am so lonely Ni, this house is too empty and.." "Hey hey Harry shh, it's going to be okay..shh come here, leave the phone to Zayn, yeah good now.."_

_"Hey Niall, it's Zayn. I'm sorry, we tried to make him understand that he wasn't ready, but he really wanted to call you. I have to go because Louis needs help, see you around mate. Hope everything's good."_

Niall finds himself sobbing by the end of the call. Too many emotions tearing his mind and his body apart right now, and everything is aching. He just needs to see Harry. 

He punches the mattress with such force that Barbara's book falls down, but he couldn't care less at the moment. He looks at the ceiling and he whimpers. 

\- 

It all started a month ago. 

* 

_Niall is sitting in his office, looking at the half full glass of whiskey in front of him, alternating between tracing it's rim with his middle finger and twirling the glass on the table. His blue blazer thrown on the armchair at his right along with his tie, that now is on the floor. His shirt has the first four buttons undone and he rolled up his sleeves past his elbows. His other hand keeps pulling at his hair. He feels empty. He feels void of any emotion. The darkness of his office represents what he is feeling; just a dim light coming from his left: a lamp on his desk given to him by his dad. Fuck, his dad._

_Niall knows they are the only two in the whole building, it's something past ten at night, and he also knows that his father never leaves the studio before everyone has gone home, moreover if he wants to have a chat with his son. That day, in court, Niall screwed up and right now, looking at the glass of whiskey, asking himself if he should drink just this one more or finish the bottle, he is well aware of it. He could have won the case, but in his heart he knew that it wasn't a right cause, he knew that he couldn't let those men win: they caused other people to have cancer and that's something that Niall can't overlook._

_His father knows that Niall could have won, he knows it because when Niall presented him his final plan he was delighted, for the very first time Niall heard his father tell him that he was proud of him and that he worked hard. And he screwed up. He realizes that he could get fired. He caused his company to lose a huge amount of money and he did it on purpose. He is just waiting for his dad to come and tell him off so that he can go drown his bitterness in alcohol at the nearest pub._

_So it's a surprise for him, when his father enters his office looking like he aged ten years in one minute and looking at him sympathetically, saying, in the gentlest of tone, "Just go home son." It is clear that Bobby is going to stay there, leaning on the door, until Niall is on the elevator that will take him to the parking lot, so the he looks at his father and shrugs. He sighs and then, wiping his face with the palm of his left hand he gets up grunting. He puts the bottle in the cabinet behind him and then, almost dragging his feet on the floor, he collects his blazer and tie and then he makes his way out, stopping for a moment when his father puts his hand on his shoulder, but not daring to look at him in his eyes._

_When he finally gets in his car, he leaves the idea of going to the pub because his father's words are the only thing he can think of. "_ Go home" 

_So he drives, on autopilot, thinking that a bed and two comforting arms aren't a bad idea in a moment like this one. A warm bed, where he can cuddle up to someone and forget about one of the worst days of his life. Yeah. It seems like he is already sleeping, or at least daydreaming, because he realizes that he is not home when his key doesn't enter in the lock. He tries another time, thinking that maybe he drank too much and wasn't aware of it but when he clearly sees that he is standing in front of the wrong door, he takes two steps back to take in his surroundings and when he finally realizes where he is he stops breathing for a moment._

_He is in front of Harry's house._

_He doesn't know if he should feel shocked that, while the image of comforting arms and the meaning of_ home _were clouding his mind, he found himself in front of Harry's house but at the moment he is just feeling sad and even emptier than before. Earlier in the afternoon Harry texted him saying_ 'I think you made the right choice. You always amaze me, I am so proud of you. :)'' _and it was the only time, today, that Niall smiled._

_But now, thinking about that message, he feels his knees going weak because he realizes that he may have done the biggest bullshit of his life, moving in with Barbara. He left his best friend, the only person who always had his back, to go live with someone that can barely stand him. All he wants to do right now is to go grab the right key to open the door in front of him and just throw himself in Harry's arms. Smell his sweet scent and listening to his comforting words while drowning in his gentle touches. Because Harry is all of this. Harry would stay awake for him and he would soothe his agonies in every way he could. Even if it meant staying up all night._

_But Harry clearly told him that he is still not ready to see him, and Niall has to get away from here before he does something stupid._

_*_

That night was like an epiphany to Niall, he felt like he finally woke up from a twisted reality. In the past two weeks he kept comparing everything Barbara did to Harry, and now he is even more sure that moving out was idiotic. 

For example Barbara never gets Niall's meal right, if he offers to cook she says that she can do it on her own, and if he doesn't bother she starts yelling at him, stating that he never helps her. When he _does_ help her she gets mad because he always makes a mess out of the kitchen. Or. His meals contain too many calories. 

She always forgets to do the laundry. But she complains if Niall tries to do it because her clothes "cost twice as much as the entire house" and they need special care. 

She doesn't let Niall have a social life and it's been a month and a half -maybe more- since the last time they had sex. And Niall is only human. 

Just an hour ago they fought because of the disposition of the dishes in the dishwasher and things escalated pretty quickly, with Barbara yelling that Niall is useless and him stating that she only cares about her clothes and doesn't know how to have fun. They both blew things out of proportion but Niall didn't have the patient to try and patch things up since he knew that in a matter of minutes they would be arguing for other dumb matters. 

That's why he went to his room and took out his black Gucci bag -a present from Barbara _duh_ -, filled it with some clothes, his toothbrush and deodorant, and sprinted out of the house. 

These are the events that lead him in front of Harry's house, at 9:30 pm with a duffle bag draped over his shoulder, waiting for Harry to open the door. He decided that he doesn't care if Harry needs more time. He can't wait anymore. And when the door finally opens Niall gets a little out of breath. _Harry._

For a moment he doesn't even comprehend what he is seeing, can't really come to terms with the fact that he is in front of his best friend after months. He does not know if he should still call Harry his best friend though. He doesn't think it's normal that the first thing that he thought was how fucking beautiful Harry looked, in a pair of white and blue striped silk pajama bottoms and an oversized black jumper that has slipped off his shoulder, showing smooth, pale skin. Niall shouldn't be noticing that Harry's hair are longer than the last time he saw him and that they frame his face so gracefully that he thinks it should be illegal in more than one way. He has the urge to bury his face in Harry's neck and. 

But no. He takes a deep breath and tells himself that it won't be easy getting close to Harry, that he can't just scoop him up in his arms and holding him for hours. Harry probably doesn't even want to see him so Niall must behave like a civil person and respect his friend's conditions. 

He looks up then, ready to offer a polite smile, but when his eyes meets Harry's he sees that they are shining and his bottom lip is trembling even if Harry has it trapped under his teeth. It's when Harry's legs start to give out that his resolve flies out of the window and he rushes over the curly haired boy hugging him tightly and making him rest his head on his own shoulder. He tries to comfort Harry and when he places a gentle kiss on top of his curls, he closes his eyes for a moment. _Apple and almonds._ Harry always liked fruity flavours. Niall feels at _home._

_-_

Harry has been fine so far. He managed to reduce the crying nights from everyday to just two days a week and that's when he is hit by the feeling of missing Niall. Harry is still very much in love with him and there are days where it takes him all of his strength to get out of bed. He has to admit that calling Niall helped him. He felt closer to him, and he knows that it's just a matter of time until he finally asks the Irish lad to meet over a coffee; but it's not today. Not even the next week. He needs to be sure that he won't cause a scene and that he won't be too broken after the meeting ends. 

Having Louis, Zayn, Nick, Liam and Eleanor around really helped him, also having Sebastian to keep him warm during the night is helping to apparently fill the huge hole inside his heart. 

He is curled up in his armchair with two covers around him (one on his back and one on his legs), and Sebastian is kind of massaging Harry's stomach. A cup of steaming red berry tea on the table on his left and he is watching as Colin Firth prepares himself for his speech directed to the English Nation. Even if he knows he won't stutter, Harry is always on edge during this scene of the movie. 

Just as the actor has reached the end of his speech, Harry hears the doorbell ring. 

He gets up, apologizing ten times to Sebastian for waking him up, and he goes to the door with a wondering expression on his face. It's too late for it to be Louis or Zayn who want to check on him so he can't think of anyone else. Nick is out with his boyfriend and Harry presumes that they are doing other things right now. Nevertheless, he doesn't ask who's at the door before opening it (it's a really bad habit of his) and when he sees blue eyes he knows that he will never do such a mistake in his life again. 

It takes him a few seconds to realize that Niall is in front of him, and once the thought settles in his mind -and his heart, and his stomach- he feels trapped in his own body. In his mind he pictures himself smiling, screaming, crying, punching, kicking, fainting, hugging Niall, smelling Niall's cologne, shutting the door in his face; but his body is still. He still has a tight grip on the door handle and his other hand is hidden in the sleeve of his jumper. He doesn't know what to think, he doesn't even know if he _can_ think. All he knows is that Niall shouldn't be here because he is not ready to talk, he is not ready to see him, he is not ready to pretend that everything is going to be okay. 

As the realization hits him, he feels his eyes water and his bottom lip -more like his whole soul- trembling and then the rest of his body starts to catch up with his mind, and finally the weight of the situation downs on his shoulder causing his knees to give out. That's when it happens. That's what Harry dreaded the most. Niall catches him before he goes down on the ground and Harry's body has a mind of its own, fitting himself in all the right places of Niall's body, sinking in the familiarity of the feeling. Letting himself feel safe in the boy's arms. 

Obviously he can't control his feelings anymore, so he starts crying like a baby and Niall strokes and kisses his curls, which causes him to cry even more. It's ugly, seriously. Then Niall moves, trying to take a few step backwards, and if Harry wasn't ready to see him before, now he is not ready to let him go. He whimpers out a "No" and Niall keeps telling him that it's going to be alright, he won't go away, he just wants to go inside. Anyway, Harry doesn't budge, he tightens his embrace on Niall while crying his eyes out, so Niall does the only thing he can think of and he crouches down to grip Harry's thighs, hoisting him up and walking inside towards the couch. 

After laying him on the couch, Niall goes back to the door to take his bag inside and Harry has the time to tell himself to act normal and to stop crying. He doesn't want to spend all night whining like a little kid; it's the first time he sees Niall after ages and he wants to enjoy every single second of it. 

"Oh, who's this little cutie?" Niall's voice brings Harry back to reality and his heart melts down when he sees Niall scratching Sebastian's head between his ears. 

"He is Sebastian. I found him just outside the radio... three weeks ago I guess? And well, since I was feeling lonely I decided to take him home. After making sure that he had no owner, of course." 

"Of course." Niall mutters, with the hint of a chuckle in his tone, "And let me guess, the name has nothing to do with a certain Disney movie, has it?" 

"Shut up. It suits him! He has a red fur, therefore Sebastian is perfect." He says, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting at Niall, even if the playful glint in his eyes gives him away. 

Then, Niall stops stroking Sebastian's fur and he focuses all his attention on Harry, sitting besides him on the couch and looking at him with a serious expression in his eyes. "I missed you." Harry gasps, knowing very well that even his neighbors probably heard him but he doesn't care because he wasn't expecting this. He doesn't even know if Niall has forgiven him for being so stupid but now he is more taken aback by the fact that he is not ready to talk about it so soon. He doesn't know why Niall is even here in the first place but he hopes it's not about Harry's lack of common sense. 

He fidgets on the couch. "I missed you too Niall, you have no idea. And, and I am so sorry for what I did, it was so stupid of me. I don't even know what I was thinking I just...Niall you had every right of moving out and live your life, and I should have been a supportive friend instead of a selfish idiot. Please forgive me. Just please, I promise I'll be a better friend from now on." _Well, great job for not wanting to talk about it._

"Hey hey are you crazy? Harry I should apologize too, you know? I completely kept you out of my life and that's not something that a friend should do. And I should have run after you, and I should have tried to talk to you. Okay I tried when you were in the hospital but Louis wouldn't let me in. I don't know why I didn't tell you everything as it happened I guess I was just aware that I was breaking the promise I made you when we were kids. But Harry I'll never leave you like this again, okay? I'll always be by your side because these two months apart have been the death of me." Niall finishes his confession and he gives a little squeeze to Harry's hands. 

"You are going to make me cry, you know?" His voice trembles but there's a small smile on his face. 

"Oh come here you big sap!" Niall gives a wet chuckle, opening his arms for Harry to hug him, and when he does so, Niall lies down so that the curly haired boy is lying on his chest. 

Harry breathes in Niall's minty scent, closing his eyes to commit it to his memory. He knows that they probably have many things to explain before everything goes back to normal, but he feels that for now they are good like this. Everything has always been easy with Niall, and even if Harry's heart is beating painfully, he won't let his feelings ruin the bond they have. Even if it will always be friendly and nothing more. Even if Niall's left hand caressing the small of his back, and his right hand stroking his curls might hint otherwise. Harry won't get his hopes up just to see them crushed down. 

"How are things with Barbara?" He starts tracing Niall's right collarbone with his forefinger: he needs something to distract him from the pain Niall's answer is going to cause him. He is also itching to touch Niall so he needs to do that. 

To his surprise Niall gives a long, troubled sigh. "I don't know Haz, I'm tired. We always fight for the dumbest things, we get on each other's nerves, she is not supportive at all and I guess I am the same. We barely speak to each other and everything is becoming kind of oppressing you know? I just, I don't think we are going to last. That's why I am here now, beside the fact that I wanted to see you, I needed a break from all of that." 

Harry can't deny that Niall's reply is affecting him, but he doesn't have time for that now. He places his hands on Niall's chest so that he can look at him in his eyes, "Good, because I want you to know that you can always come here okay? I'll always be here for you too." 

Niall smiles, tucking a rebellious curl behind Harry's left ear, and he probably feels the shivers that runs through Harry's body. They stay like that for too long, staring at each other's eyes and Harry knows that he should look away, especially now that Niall's face is dangerously close to his own but he can't. He missed that blue, he wants to lose himself in everything that is Niall. And looking at those eyes and reading all the promises they hold, Harry can't look away, maybe because he hopes to find a promise of love. Or the promise of a kiss. He needs to know how kissing Niall feels like. He needs Niall's arm a little tighter around his waist. He needs to feel his own hands tangled in Niall's dyed locks. He needs 

"So, what were you doing before I came in?" Niall says after clearing his throat. 

"Oh. I, eh, I was watching The King's Speech." He blushes, hiding his face in Niall's chest. He is an idiot. He. Is. An. Idiot. 

"You and your crush on Colin Firth." Niall laughs, tightening his grip on Harry's waist because he knows that the green eyed boy would try to hit him. 

"Heyyy! You wish you were that hot!" There's silence. 

"What did you just say?" 

"I said that you're not as hot as Colin Firth. Not even close." Harry has to bite his lip to stop himself from laughing. 

"Oh well if you say so." Harry then feels pointed fingers, prodding at his sides and he squeals and shrieks like an animal. _Oh boy, this is going to be hard._

\- 

Sometimes it happens that Harry wakes up not knowing for a moment where he is and what happened the previous night. He usually lays on his back for one or two minutes, fully awake with his eyes closed, trying to recall everything that he needs, to understand where he is and what happened and then he usually takes advantages of those minutes to plan the day ahead of him. Well, today it's not the case. 

Even before he is completely conscious, he knows where he his and, more important, who he is with. His mind keeps repeating Niall's name like it's a religious prayer. _Niall Niall Niall Niall._ His body tingles from where he lays on top of the Irish boy and he feels the need to put something between them. He vividly recalls falling asleep on the couch because of Niall stroking his hair, and he could swear that Niall carried him from the living room to Harry's bedroom, stripped him down to his underwear and then cuddled up to him as if they never stopped doing that. As if everything was back to normal. As if nothing happened between them. 

But nothing is normal and a shitload of things happened. 

He is torn between act like he doesn't care that they spent the last two months apart or try to -really- talk to Niall about it. There's the sound of a bitter laugh in his head: if he _really_ wants to talk about it he must confess his feelings for Niall and that's something he won't ever do. He has come to the conclusion that he will take those feelings with him in his grave. But there's a part of him that wants to scream at Niall's face that he can't do _this_ to Harry all the damned times. He can't show up whenever he wants just because he needs a break from his perfect life and then go back to it leaving Harry behind because Barbara and him go back being on cloud nine. 

There's a part of him that wants Niall to feel the same pain Harry has been feeling for the last three years but that's not possible. And even if it was possible Harry knows that he is too kind to do something like that. So he sighs, hating what is life has become and hating himself for getting up and going in the kitchen to prepare Niall his favorite breakfast. 

Niall was already awake when Harry got up and left him. When he felt Harry stir awake he was ready to greet him with a smile but then he felt the boy's body stiffen and he could almost hear his brain thinking over too many things -most of them probably related to the blond boy- and he decided to stay quiet. See what Harry was going to do. Then Harry gave out a long sigh and he got up, exiting his room. 

Now Niall is looking at the ceiling feeling kind of guilty. He knows he has no right to do this to his green eyed friend. He knows that he should have probably waited for Harry to be ready to see him again. But, as Louis said, he really is a selfish twat, and he couldn't wait anymore. He needed to see Harry and he is starting to suspect that maybe, _maybe,_ he cares about the curly haired boy a little bit more than a friend should do. Right now he can't help but missing his friend's warmth pressed against his own body, he wants to spend every minute with Harry to make up for all the lost time. 

His stomach realizes that breakfast is ready even before his nose can register the smell of pancakes and he sprints out of bed like he has never done before, he is not a morning person. Not at all. 

He enters the kitchen but stops himself at the sight in front of him. Harry has his hair pulled back in a loose bun, with some wild curls spilling out of it. But it's not the hair that are making Niall breathless and kind of aroused. Nope. It's Harry's legs. _Fuck._ Harry is wearing a lilac jumper which is too big for him: the neck of it keeps falling off of Harry's right shoulder and even if he has rolled up the sleeves they almost reach his wrists. The jumper is too big and that means that it also covers Harry's briefs, making his legs look endless. Niall wants nothing more than to stride over Harry and grab his meaty thighs -not as meaty as before though, because Niall can tell that Harry lost weight-, he envisions himself pushing Harry against the counter and hoisting up his legs until they lock around his waist and _woah. He does not need this kind of pictures in his mind right now._

Harry catches him staring, smirking when he sees Niall biting his bottom lip while watching at Harry's leg. He decided that if he can't have Niall he'll try, at least, to provoke him a little bit and since he remembered Niall telling him that the first hing he notices in a girl are her legs, he thought he could give it a try. Judging by the way Niall can't stop staring he can consider this a victory. 

He gives him his loveliest smile: "Morning, Ni! Breakfast is ready." 

"Thanks Haz." Niall gives him a kiss on his cheek and Harry's intention to be a tease flies out of the window because he has to stop himself from dropping the plate with all the pancakes, trying to remain stable on his legs. Niall chuckles. _That bastard._

\- 

Niall thinks that Harry is doing everything on purpose. He is always wearing that damn jumper with just his underwear every time he is at home and when he is not sitting on his armchair with Sebastian in his lap, he sits on the couch beside Niall stretching his legs over Niall's lap and let's just say that Niall missed some of the best goals just because he couldn't stay focused on the TV screen. Then whenever he reads he wear those black thick glasses that, Niall discovered, turn him on and he can't stop thinking about it, like _ugh. So fucking frustrating._

He always cooks every single one of Niall's favorite dishes and he thinks Harry is just trying to make him see what he has been missing on. What he has left behind. And well. Niall can't say he isn't regretting his choice. Niall missed everything. Harry's beaming smile when he praises him for the food, his loud singing in the shower, the secret smiles he gives to no one in particular when he thinks nobody is watching him, the songs he hums under his breath. 

But he also missed their nights out as a group, he missed the way Louis always teases Harry for something and the way Harry turns to look at him as he expect Niall to defend him. The way Zayn can always tell when Niall needs to talk but doesn't want to and the way Liam just smiles at everything and tries to listen to everyone all at once so that nobody feels left out. 

But all the good things must come to an end. He missed everything there was to miss and that's what he is thinking when he writes down a message for Harry on a post-it. Because, once again, he proved himself to be a coward. 

_Harry, I have to leave now because Barbara called and she wants to talk._

_Thanks for everything._

_We'll see each other soon -I hope-._

_Niall. xx_

_-_

"Zayn can you please come over?" Harry pleads over the phone with a trembling voice. This time, the tremble isn't caused by his urge to cry. No. It's caused by his desire to smash Niall's head against the first thing he sees. 

"What happened? Is everything okay?" Zayn asks, his tone hinting that he might be on the verge of a panic crisis. 

"Everything is perfectly fine." Harry replies, sarcasm dripping from every syllable that comes out of his mouth. He stares at the yellow post-it trying to set it on fire. He thinks he could manage. "I just need you to come over to stop me from doing what I am about to do." He says clenching his jaw. 

"What? Harry I'm not sure I'm following you here. What the hell are you talking about?" 

"Listen Zayn. Niall left once again, okay? I am not going to explain what happened because right now I really don't fell like doing it, yeah? And I am furious. God I am so bloody furious I could actually become a violent person for several minutes. So now, please, I am calling you because I need you to calm me down. I tried calling Louis but he is not answering, same goes for Eleanor. Liam and Nick are at work so I didn't even bother. I am calling you because I need your help right now. So please. Come over?" 

"Haz. Fuck. I can't, I have a date with Perrie tonight I'm" 

"No it's okay. Don't worry. Just yeah, somebody is going to regret this. Bye Zee!" He shouts before his friend can do or say anything more. He growls looking at the piece of paper and there's a click in his brain: he thinks he has been patient for long enough. 

\- 

The door opens when he is about to knock for a second time and he is greeted with Barbara smiling up at him "Harry! What brings you here? Everything's alright?" Harry notices two things: the first one is that she looks beautiful even wearing a worn out sweater and black leggings and he has a moment to feel self conscious. The second thing he notices is that her smile seems quite fake and that no sounds are coming from inside the house, which is strange. Even if Niall wasn't home -but he is because there's his car in the driveway- there would be some noise. There is always some noise in someone's house. Even if they live alone. 

He shakes his head, thinking that it's not the time to get lost in his thoughts because he came here with a specific purpose. "Actually no. I'm not alright, can I speak to Niall for a moment?" 

Her face changes then, her features harden at the mention of Niall's name and Harry does not have the time to wonder why before she is stepping aside gesturing for him to enter the house. "Sure." She says, but her tone means that she would like to add something more, something like _if you really want to try.._ And he wants to. 

He takes a deep breath before marching inside, but his glorious stride is suddenly stopped when he realizes that he has never stepped foot in this house and he doesn't even know where to find Niall. So much for a scenic entrance. 

"He's in the living room. On the right." Barbara says behind him before locking the door. 

The living room is nice, Harry thinks. Maybe a bit too white and kind of empty, but it's spacious and he thinks it's nice. But again he is not here to give his opinion on Niall's new home. He is here to focus his attention on the blond though, who is sitting on the couch glaring -almost like Harry was doing with the yellow post-it- at the black screen of the TV. 

Harry thinks it's funny how his face changes once he realizes who entered his living room. He goes from mad, to happy to panicking. Hilarious. 

"Ha-Harry..what are you doing here?" He asks rubbing the palm of his hands on his thighs. Something he does when he is nervous. And he should be nervous. 

"Oh nothing, I was just driving around in my car and I thought ' _Man, I haven't seen Niall's house yet. I should definitely drop by!'_ and here I am now aren't you happy?" Harry is vaguely aware of the fact that now Barbara is in the room with them. 

Niall should know better. His first mistake is interrupting Harry when he has just started to speak, and his second one is replying to his question. But Niall has a habit of misunderstanding what other people are saying when he is nervous. "Oh, yeah I'm glad, yeah sure." He flinches even before he has finished the sentence. 

Barbara snorts. Harry flares. "No you are not, you absolute piece of shit!" And Niall doesn't know how to react because this is the first time he heard Harry swear. He knows he is screwed. "You are a liar! Liar! And I think I have been patient enough! You always come to me with all your crap _I'm not going to leave you, you're my best friend Harry_ when all you ever did was care for yourself, doing the right thing just so you could still look at yourself in the mirror am I right? You know nothing about friendship and you know nothing about promises and I tried to be whatever you wanted me to be but you've gone too damn far this time! Do you seriously think I am that dumb? Yesterday night, Niall, yesterday night! You told me you would be always by my side and what happens? This evening I get home and you're gone! And you know what's the worst thing about it? That you left me with a post-it! A fucking post-it Niall! You didn't even have the balls to talk to me! And you say I'm your best friend!" 

"Sounds like him." Barbara snorts for the second time. "He wanted to break up with me over the phone. Gosh." And oh. This is new information for Harry. 

Niall doesn't know how to feel having his now ex-girlfriend and almost ex- best friend teaming up against him. Harry is looking at him waiting for an explanation and Niall would like to give him one if he had it. But he can't think of anything else other than saying that he is a coward. 

Barbara is just looking smug. "A real _man_ our _Nialler_ here." Harry twitches at _our_ "The kind of man who doesn't even manage to make a decision at work." 

Niall's blood is boiling now and he is just about to shout at Barbara to mind her own fucking business when something extraordinary happens. Harry turns around and growls like a fucking lion, directing all his rage towards the girl. "Hey you. Try to say something like that ever again and I swear I'll make your life miserable. Niall may be an asshole, but I still consider him my best friend and you don't get to judge him like that. Not even if you were the Queen of England. And if you are, or were I don't care, a good girlfriend, you would know that work has always been a sensitive topic for Niall and moreover if you remembered about what happened to his grandmother you would be proud of him. 

Oh my god why aren't people happy with what they have, once in their life? Look at you judging someone you should care about when you have no fucking idea how lucky you were to have him. You are all just a bunch of stupid people and now...I'll just go." His voice trembles at the end and Niall feels pained because he is the one who hurt Harry but he is also overcome by a feeling of so much love for that boy, how did he get so lucky? 

The door slamming shut awakens him from his thoughts and for the first time in his life he is a hundred percent sure of what to do. He runs after Harry and he manages to catch the boy just as he is about to get in his car. 

"Harry! Harry please stop!" He pants, grabbing Harry's elbow while trying to catch his breath. Harry turns around with his head held high, not looking at him but not turning away and Niall already considers this a victory. "Harry I'm sorry. I'm an asshole. I'm moving back okay, we broke up and now I'm moving back in." He smiles up at Harry and he sees the way Harry's mouth is twitching to turn into a grin but the green eyed boy is trying not to let it show. 

"Do as you please Niall." He says coldly before freeing himself from the blond's grip and getting in his car to drive home. 

Both boys are left grinning. Niall because he is finally doing something that _feels_ right and Harry because for once he spoke up for himself and because Niall is coming home to him. 

\- 

It's been two weeks since Niall moved back in with Harry and things are going fine. He says fine and not _perfect_ because he can feel that Harry is still cautious around him. He spent the first week trying to get Harry to talk to him and now that he finally does, Niall knows that it's not the same as before. 

But Harry isn't the only one who has changed behavior; Niall has too. He sees Harry under a completely different light now. And it's so much better. He lives for the moment when Harry laughs making those sounds that resemble a seal gasping for air but it's so infinitely adorable. He loves the way Harry talks to Sebastian and treats him like he is a real person; he thinks it's undeniably cute the way Harry lightly snores but he denies it with fervor and the way he gets when he is fascinated by something (which can be anything, really.) 

Niall is amazed by the way Harry does absolutely everything and lately he is starting to really notice Harry's body. God. He never minded it before but Harry can move his body like a real stripper. So sinful and elegant when he is not tripping over his feet. Sometimes Niall catches him swaying his hips as he is listening to the radio while he cooks dinner. 

Or. The other day Niall entered the bathroom thinking that Harry was already in his room, instead, he saw before him a naked Harry from behind. And Holy Sweet Jesus. His eyes traveled from Harry's shoulders down to the muscles of his back and then his endless legs but at the end they focused on Harry's round bum. 

When he finally was able to shower, he had a good long wank at the thought of his best friend. 

This is the reason that led him to ask Louis if he could come over while Harry is still at work and Niall has a day off. He hopes Louis will show up because he hasn't replied to his text yet and Niall is getting antsy. He thought about calling Anne but he didn't want her to think ahead of things too much, he just really needs Louis' advice right now. 

He tries to calm his nerves by watching a rugby match that he recorded three days ago and when he starts to really get into the game -no matter if he has already seen it- there's Louis shouting _Hello!_ behind him, and as much as Niall wants to kill him right now because he gave him a bloody heart attack he is _so_ relived that the boy is here. 

"Jesus, way to make me die young." Niall says, still trying to get his heartbeat at a normal rate. 

Louis starts humming a song that has something to do with dying young but Niall doesn't recognize it so he has to wait until Louis thinks it's okay to stop and he finally takes a seat on the couch beside Niall. They all learned not to seat on Harry's armchair even if it's much more comfortable. "So Niall, Niall, Niall, my friend. What do you need the Great Louis for?" 

Niall learned not to roll his eyes at Louis' antics a long time ago. "I need to ask you a question." He says already getting nervous. 

"And that question might be?" 

Niall figures it's now or never. He looks at his hands and blurts out: "Is Harry in love with me?" Then the room is filled with a thick silent while both boys think that Niall has just asked the dumbest question on earth. Louis thinks so because he can't actually believe that Niall realized it only now, after he spent a lifetime beside a pining Harry and he really doesn't know how to answer. Shall he go for sarcasm or actual seriousness for once? 

Niall, on the other hand, wants to run out of his house because he thinks that maybe he got this wrong. Maybe Harry really considers him only as his best friend and nothing more, and he is just a kind slash flirty person. Louis' laughter is proving him right at this point. 

"Oh God I'm so stupid." He groans hiding his face in his hands. 

"Yes you are." Louis confirms, and Niall wants to cry because there's no need to be so mean right now. "Do you really think it's me the person you should ask this to?" And okay, it's not the answer Niall was expecting. He is at a loss of words, he looks at Louis opening and closing his mouth but no sounds are coming outside, so the older boy takes it as a sign to continue. "Now I have a question for you. I'm not either admitting or denying anything, I'm just going to say that I think you're smart enough to find the right answer yourself. Anyway, I would like to know what you're going to do about that." 

"About what?" Niall asks, just to be sure. 

"About Harry _perhaps_ loving you." 

"I'm going to tell him I like him to, I guess." 

Louis snorts. "You guess." Then he gets up with a long sigh escaping his lips. "God you both are so stupid Niall. I would like to see what happens, please record it, would you? Now I better go, Harry will be home any minute now." He ruffles Niall's hair before slapping him in the back of his neck but Niall doesn't have the time to react because Louis is already out of the door and his mind is already set on Harry and only Harry. 

\- 

"Harry please come here." Niall says patting his left hand on the space of the couch beside him. 

Harry looks at him warily, as if Niall were a bomb about to explode. He has been acting strange all evening and Harry really doesn't know what to think of it. When he came home, Niall asked him all about his day and how he was feeling and he even offered to cook dinner -which almost caused Harry to go take Niall's temperature because that was not normal at all-. He then kept smiling at Harry, being extra gentle every time they touched and even increasing the number of times they touched. He would touch him for whatever reason, pass him water of salt, getting up and brushing Harry's shoulder, leaving the room and skimming his fingers on Harry's lower back. Everything. 

And while Harry is very happy about it he is also very much confused. Now he just finished washing the dishes and Niall wants him to sit down next to him, when he usually sits in his armchair reading a book. 

"C'mon." Niall says when Harry doesn't budge from where he is. He can't blame Harry for his uncertainty but he has to tell him now and he can no longer stand the distance that Harry has been trying to put between them. He needs Harry as close as possible when he is finally going to confess his feelings. 

"Do you need to tell me something?" Harry asks while cautiously sitting down. Niall would joke about this if he wasn't so bloody nervous. 

"Actually I do, yeah." He says. 

Silence. Harry starts thinking that Niall has gone mental, or he is just pulling a joke on him. "Okay." He says but it sounds like a question. 

Niall has never been one to beat around the bush. Always straight to point. The quality that makes him one of the best lawyer on the country. But right now he doesn't know what to say. He has never been so nervous in his life. Never. Not when he was taking his last exam in University, not when he was trying to prove his father that he was a good lawyer and not even when he was in court for the first time, trying to convince a jury that his client was innocent. 

Maybe it's because it's Harry. Maybe he is just realizing how deep and strong and sudden his feelings are. Maybe he doesn't want to fuck up again, he knows that this is his last chance to make things right. God, he really needs to get this right. 

_Okay I'm doing it._ He thinks looking in Harry's beautiful green eyes. He takes a deep breath and "Once I've been with two guys." 

_What. The. Hell._

Harry chokes on air. He thought he took into consideration everything Niall could tell him in those minutes where Niall was trying to muster up the courage to speak. _I'm still in love with Barbara. Harry, listen, I know you love me but I don't. I'm going to move out again. You need to move out. I met this girl and I think she's the one. I got a job offer in America._

Seriously Harry thought of everything but not this. And then suddenly he understands. He understands why Niall left Barbara all of a sudden, he understands why he was looking for Harry's advice, he understands why Niall was touchy earlier: he wanted Harry's approval. He also understands the pain he starts feeling in the depth of his heart: he could bear the thought of Niall with another woman, but he can't go on knowing that Niall is with another man that is not _him._

He clears his throat. "What are their names?" 

Niall doesn't seem to hear Harry's cracking voice, too busy telling himself off in his head. "Uhm, the first one's name was Gabriel and the second James. I was in the second year of University and I just thought I should try something new." He cringes at his own words. "I'm sorry if I'm telling you this just now but I wasn't really comfortable with" 

"Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You were in University?" Harry might have just broken Niall's eardrum. 

"Yes, why?" 

"I thought you left Barbara for one of these two men!" If Niall didn't know any better he would say that Harry was blaming him. 

"What? No!" 

"Then I don't get it." Harry mumbles, frowning cutely. "Why are you telling me this?" And from the way he is looking at Niall it seems like he is really thinking this through and he needs an answer. God Niall wants to kiss he crease between his eyebrows and then his pout. 

"I don't know." _Fuck if he is not stupid._

"Oh. Okay." Harry says and Niall can feel the exact moment when his mood changes. "I'm going to bed now, goodnight Niall." Harry gets up, his tone is cold and his face is hard and Niall really doesn't want him to go to bed. He has already screwed up, fuck his life. 

"No, no! Harry wait!" Niall runs after him, and he has a sense of déjà-vu when he stops him grabbing his forearm and making him turn around. 

"What Niall!" He shouts, and woah. Harry is mad. 

"That's not what I wanted to say!" He pleads. 

"Then what! Stop fucking talking in riddles!" They are inches apart and both of them secretly find this very hot. The temperature in the room increasing rapidly. 

"Stop swearing, I don't like it." Niall says, once agin changing topic. 

Harry scoffs, trying to free himself from Niall's grip. "Well, right now I don't like _you."_

"But here's the thing Harry. _I_ like you." 

Silence. Everything stops apart from their heartbeats which, on the contrary, start going a mile a minute. 

"What?" Harry breathes out as if someone just punched him in the stomach. He sure as hell fells like someone did though. 

"I like you." Niall says simply, smiling tentatively. Harry rages. "You can't fucking do this again Niall! I told you not to play with me is it so hard for you? Please, just please, stop doing this. Just stop!" Harry is crying. 

Niall panics. "Harry fuck, no Harry, please listen to me. I'm not joking, I've been an idiot for so many years and I realized it only now but please believe me. I like you and only you." He takes Harry's face in his hands and forces him to look in his eyes. 

Green meets blue and there are fireworks exploding somewhere in the back of their minds. Harry breaks down, burying his face in Niall's neck because he can't fight this anymore. He's been fighting this for years and he can't believe that Niall just said that. It's like someone took away all his organs and put them right back, empty. He feels like he could fly away at any moment and he needs to hold Niall as close and as tight as possible before this turns out to be a dream. 

"I like you too." He chokes back tears. "Who am I kidding" he bitterly laughs. "I've been in love with you for the past twelve fucking years." He presses his lips against Niall's neck. 

Niall stills at the revelation. Hit with a feeling of guilt that overcomes him for a moment. Twelve years. His life has been a lie. He tried to do everything to protect Harry when he was the one hurting him almost beyond repair. 

"Stop swearing." He murmurs pressing tiny kisses to Harry's curls and tightening his grip on the boy's waist. Good thing he has his whole life to make up for it. 

\- 

Niall sighs pressing his smile against the back of Harry's head. He has done nothing but smiling in the past week. He just can't help it. He has never been so happy, Harry seems to complete him like he really is the cliché missing puzzle piece. He doesn't mind waking up to his mouth full of curls, doesn't mind waking up freezing in the middle of the night because Harry stole all the covers. He can stand watching too many romantic comedies, can tolerate Sebastian messing the living room. He can even bear the thought of having to take a cold shower because Harry stayed too much time in the bathroom. All of this because at the end he is with Harry and he is particularly fond of the boy. 

The boy who is currently in between his legs, with his back against Niall's chest and his book too close to his face because once again he forgot to put his reading glasses on and he is too lazy to get up -Niall should really begin to tell him that he thinks Harry is sexy when he puts them on-. 

Niall was watching a football match, _was_ being the key word here because since Harry got up from his armchair to snuggle in between Niall's legs, Niall hasn't stop pressing kisses and smiles on top of Harry's curls; too busy thinking about how perfect everything seems right now. 

He knows that Harry is still cautious around him, he knows that sometimes he needs the reassurance that Niall wants him and nobody else, that Niall isn't going to run away from him, not anymore. And Niall promised himself that every time Harry needs this comfort, he will be there to give it to him. 

Harry smiles to himself when he feels Niall's grip tightening around his waist, Niall's large hands stroking his jumper-covered stomach. He feels Niall's lips pressed against his curls and he can't help but drown a little bit in Niall's warmth. A warmth that is not only physical but Harry thinks it has more to do with Niall showering him with attention and affection. He feels like he has been daydreaming for a whole week. 

He still can't wrap his mind around the idea that Niall really likes him, that finally, after twelve years, his biggest dream has turned into reality. He can't help but wait for someone to jump out and tell him that this is all a joke, but then Niall looks at him with his deep blue eyes and tells him with a gentle smile and gentle touches that he is _beautiful._ And it's nothing like before. This time Harry can tell that Niall means it he can hear it in the softness of his voice and in the burning but sweet sensation that his fingertips leave when they trace the shape of Harry's jaw to stop under his chin so that Niall and Harry can look at each other a bit longer. 

He laughs, throwing back his head against Niall's right shoulder after he reads a witty comeback that sounds like the ones he could do, too cheeky and twisted to be understood, that always leave everyone with a puzzled look on their faces as they try to decipher what he just said. 

When he opens his eyes, after his laughter subsides, he catches Niall openly staring at him with a gentle smile and eyes _so_ full of fondness that Harry can't help but smile dumbly at the angel in front of him, and before he can process something to say a soft pair of lips press against his own. 

His heart stops while Niall's seems to pressed right against under the skin of his chest. 

He figures it's now or never so he nudges Harry's lips with his own and when Harry giggles at the feeling of Niall's stubble, the blond tentatively runs his tongue over Harry's bottom lip and then everything is _fireworks._

Harry turns around so that now they are chest to chest, his hands cupping Niall's cheek while Niall's hands have a firm hold of Harry's hips. They both think that this is the best kiss they have ever had. Niall's lips are _so so so_ perfect, soft and at the same time rough, framed by a slight stubble that makes Harry's insides go wild. Niall, on the other hand, has never been kissed with so much gentleness and passion at the same time it almost feels as if Harry is hungry for Niall's lips and at the same time wants to shower him with soft touches. 

Niall was right when he got off at the thought that Harry's lips were made for sucking (at that time Niall was thinking about Harry sucking a specific thing). The kiss escalates pretty quickly from the moment Harry starts sucking on Niall's bottom lip and then on Niall's tongue. He starts making whiny noises that are driving Niall insane. 

Niall hasn't had sex in almost two months while Harry hasn't been touched like this by another human being in over two years and he has been dreaming of this for at least the last seven years so it's not a surprise that they are both rock hard in a matter of minutes. 

While they continue devouring each other's mouths, Niall flips them over and now he is the one in between Harry's legs. 

"So beautiful." He pants out, attacking Harry's neck, determined to leave a mark there. "You are so fucking beautiful Harry." 

Harry feels overwhelmed. Everything is too much, he is too hot but at the same time he is shivering so hard that all his body is trembling, he is so hard it's becoming painful. Niall is pushing his jumper up muttering a series of " _this off now"_ and Harry raises his armsand arches his back to help Niall complete his task, but at that exact moment their dicks brush against each other causing Harry to moan like a fucking pornstar and Niall to groan so low and deep that Harry feels like his body is reverberating at the sound. 

Then Niall attaches his mouth at Harry's hip and Harry feels like he is going to die right here, right now. 

"No, no Niall, stop." He breathes out in between whines of pleasure. 

"What" Niall is breathless, looking up at Harry with the expression of a starved kid who just tasted a piece of his favorite food and has been denied to eat it. He also looks concerned though. Extremely worried. 

But Harry doesn't have enough air in his lungs to try and explain to Niall what he wants so he just motions for Niall to come up and kiss him. Niall doesn't have to be told twice and as soon as his lips come in contact with Harry's one he feels Harry's heels pressing on his bum making him grind against Harry's hard cock. 

"Just like that...God Ni, I'm not...I'm not going to last." Harry pants out crying out for pleasure and, true to his words, he cums in his pants not even two minutes later, body covered in sweat and red marks. 

Niall doesn't know what does the trick. Could be the fact that he hasn't got laid in more than two months; could be that he finally has what he wants. Maybe it's Harry's face when he orgasms, eyes closed with his head thrown back so that Niall can see all the bites he left on his neck. Veins popping out and mouth wide open while an obscene sound mixed with Niall's name escapes from his -swollen, _swollen-_ lips. Or it could be the fact that it's _him_ that made Harry feel like that. 

He thinks it's more likely the thought that if Harry looks so fucked out after getting off just by grinding against each other, he can't wait to see what he will look like gloriously naked after Niall fucked him so hard he won't be able to walk for the next day. He also wants to see Harry's face when he is the one fucking Niall. 

This train of thoughts cause Niall to follow Harry straight away, coming in his pants like he did when he was a teenager. 

He kisses Harry then, just because he can. They kiss for a while before Niall can't fight it anymore and lets out the laugh he has been holding for minutes now. "Well I feel like I just turned seventeen again." 

Harry laughs too then, because Niall just made a Zac Efron reference and because Harry feels like that too. He gently punches Niall's chest muttering an _"Idiot."_ that very much sounds like an _"I love you."_ to both their ears, even if nobody says anything. 

\- 

Later that night -or very early morning-, Harry stirs awake because Niall is peppering his bare shoulder with kisses. He doesn't say anything though, the feeling is too nice and he knows he is going to fall back asleep in a matter of seconds. 

Niall tightens his grip around his waist. "You know," he whispers, "This house felt like home the moment you started living in it." 

** THE END ** 

**Author's Note:**

> If you are reading this I have no idea how you arrived at this point. Really.
> 
> SORRY for the horrendous smut (if you can even call it that) at the end. I guess you noticed it was my first time uh? So hideous oh god.
> 
> THANK YOU for spending your time to read something I created. I will be eternally grateful. xx


End file.
